Sonic Talk
by Wrth
Summary: Sonic and the gang get the idea to put on a serious toned and thought provoking talkshow where they analyze everything that has taken place in the video games. However, the concept of being 'serious toned' is lost on many of them. R&R.
1. Episode 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise, and I hold the utmost respect for its creators and owners. This fanfic is meant purely for comedic value.

* * *

Sonic Talk

"Hello, and welcome to _Sonic Talk_, a special mini- series where some the stars of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise come together to discuss some of the details and themes that are introduced. The show will be hosted by me, Miles 'Tails' Prower, as we debate our first topic. First off, we have Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Hey everybody! I'm glad to be here for the first episode ever!"

"Next, we have Knuckles the Echidna. He was willing to take a day off from his usual duties to be here with us."

"It was no problem. I'm just honored to have a chance to talk like this."

"Last, but not least, we have the most popular anti hero of the franchise, Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Hi."

"Now that the introductions are out of the way, let's see what the first topic will be."

**Discussion One: The Most Bad-ass Character**

"Let's begin with you Shadow. What are your thoughts?"

"I think this topic is a waste of time. Everybody knows that I'm the most bad-ass character in the series."

"Very interesting. What do you have to say to this, Sonic?"

"I say he needs to get rid of the highlights before he can make that claim."

"Hey, the red marks are natural!"

"Sure they are. I bet that mascara-looking red coloring near your eyes is natural too."

"Bite me."

Tails interrupted the dispute. "Wait a minute; it seems Knuckles wants to add his opinion."

"Yes I do. In terms of the most bad-ass character, I believe that it should be the _first_ bad-ass character."

"Would you be referring to yourself?"

"I don't want to be conceited about it, but…"

Shadow stopped him right there. "No way you're the bad-ass. No effing way."

"Why not? I had the whole 'lone wolf' thing going on before you ever came along."

Shadow laughed at this. "Yeah, but now you're just the comic-relief guy."

"I am _not_ comic-relief!"

"Actually, I agree with Shadow. Since _Sonic Adventures 2_, any scene with you talking to more than one person always results in a comedic cutscene." Sonic said.

"What?!"

"Also, anytime someone talks about you, it usually has comedic results." Tails said

"You're the host! You're supposed to be neutral!"

"Since this is a forum show, I get to voice my opinions."

"It's not my fault _**Sonic Team**_ started changing my character for no reason!" Knuckles defended.

"They had a legitimate reason. They started changing you when I came in. My background gives me more of an excuse to be the 'lone wolf'." Shadow said.

"Very good point from Shadow." Tails said.

Shadow continued. "Notice that after _Sonic Adventures 2_ you were no longer focused upon as an individual. From then on, your significance became based on the roles you played as a member of a team. You don't even have a hand in advancing the stories anymore."

"He got you there, Knuckles." Sonic was enjoying this.

"Face it; even after decades of being present in the franchise, you never got your own video game. I, however, got my very own game after I appeared in only _two_ other ones. Who would want to play as the last of some backwater race when you can be the ultimate life form?"

Knuckles leaned forward. "What about my theme songs? I'm the only character to use hip-hop for his theme songs. That automatically makes me hardcore."

Sonic rolled his eyes. "It would be hardcore, if your songs didn't suck. 'I like to dig holes in search gold'? 'Clench my fist tight, become more reddah'? 'I'm straight thugged out, only live to my ones'? Those lyrics should be illegal."

Knuckles slumped in his chair. "I hate everyone."

Shadow kept going. "Did I forget to mention that my video game had me using all kinds of vehicles and guns? I had to do use them to single-handedly stop an alien invasion, you know."

"That's what made your game so stupid. You might be able to defend the use of guns, but why the hell did you need vehicles? You _skate_ at the speed of sound!" Sonic said.

"Of course it didn't make sense. It didn't have to. The driving was only used to make me look cooler. It helped solidify the fact that I am, indeed, the most bad-ass character to ever grace this pathetic series."

Knuckles got back up with a triumphant look in his eyes. "Not so fast. Let's look at your personality in your game."

"Uh-oh." Shadow definitely did not want to go there.

"Not only did your game use the most cliché plot device ever introduced to video games, but throughout the entire game, you were a complete –"

Shadow interrupted. "Before you say anything, I would like to clarify that I am not, and never was, an emo. I wasn't emo in _Sonic Adventures 2_, and I wasn't t emo in _Shadow the Hedgehog_. I was pissed and wanted revenge in the first game, and I had amnesia in the second one.

"I wasn't going to say that." Knuckles continued. "I was going to say that throughout the entire game, you were a complete _tool _and a freaking moron."

"Would you elaborate on your point. Knuckles?" Tails said.

"Gladly. In _Shadow the Hedgehog_, Shadow believed _everything_ that _everyone_ told him. Heck, he believed Eggman when he told him that he was an android."

"Once again; had amnesia, no memory. You have no leg to stand and need to shut up." Shadow said, aggravated.

"You don't need your memory to know if you're a living being or a robot, you idiot. Did you suddenly forget the fact that you were breathing the entire time? Wait, I forgot. You had amnesia, how could you have known that robots don't need to breathe? I mean, it makes perfect sense that you knew how to skate, drive a car and use Chaos Control, but you completely forgot that a robot is non-living."

"That's a low blow, man." Shadow was chocked up.

"It's about to get worse. Your amnesia made you bend over backwards to make everyone happy. You were told to get the Chaos Emeralds, so you got the Chaos Emeralds. You were asked to help find Cream, so you helped to find Cream. You were a complete and utter tool. Bad-asses are never tools. If you really were bad-ass, your amnesia would have made you completely untrusting and constantly angry, not an errand boy."

"Well – that is to say – I mean…"Shadow stammered.

Knuckles held his hand near his ear (under his spines). "I'm sorry, I can't understand you. Oh no! Shadow's got amnesia again! I've got an idea, let's all feed him complete bullcrap and ask him to do menial tasks. After all, his amnesia makes him forget how to have a backbone."

"…Bastard." Shadow crossed his arms and pouted.

"Nice comeback by Knuckles." Tails said. "Sonic, you haven't given your opinion yet. Who do you think is the bad-ass?"

"Forget those two clowns. It's me!" Sonic announced boldly.

Everyone stared at Sonic before bursting out into hysterical laughter.

"What's so damn funny!? I'm the main character; of course I'm the bad-ass. The entire franchise is named after me, for God sakes!"

Knuckles was able to calm down enough to forcibly talk. "Of course you're the most bad-ass character of the series. That's why you have such awesome sayings like, 'gotta blow Joe'!" He broke out into laughter again.

"Juice and jam!" Tails fell on the table in front of him and pounded his fist against it wildly.

"Gotta speed keed!" Shadow laughed so hard that he fell over the backrest of his chair and couldn't get up.

"Bummer majores!" Knuckles shouted out before sliding to his knees, holding his sides.

"UP, OVER, AND GONE!" All three screamed out before completely losing what was left of their composure.

"You don't understand! Those were different times! The corporation forced me to be kid friendly!"Sonic said desperately.

Tails was able to regain enough stature to stand up and wipe the tears from his eyes. "Sorry, we really need to keep this professional. Your points really are valid." He placed an understanding hand on Sonic's shoulder.

"Really?" Sonic said hopefully.

"Sure. You're so bad-ass that, (snort), they got Urkel to be your voice actor!"

The three were sent back into completely immobilizing fits of laughter once again. This time for five minutes straight.

Tails got back up breathing heavily. "Well, that's all the time we have. Before we go, I would like to announce that in my personal opinion, the biggest bad-ass in the series is… Mephiles the Dark!"

When it seemed that everybody else was about to object, they all paused and shook their heads in both agreement and defeat.

"See you next time everyone!"

* * *

**A/N:** If you would like to suggest a topic to discuss, then send your requests. Thank you, and please review.


	2. Episode 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from SEGA, nor do I own anything owned or made by them. Also, I hold the utmost respect for their choices and their work. This fanfic is meant purely for comedic purposes. 

* * *

Sonic Talk

"Hello, and welcome back to the second episode of _Sonic Talk_, the special mini-series were some of the characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise come together to discuss the themes and topics introduced. This show will be particularly special, because we have six panelists instead of three. Of course with more panelists, I'm going to need some help. Luckily, my friend here was more than happy to volunteer her assistance."

"Hi everyone, I'm Cream the Rabbit. I'm glad to make your acquaintances. The reason why we have so many panelists is because we wanted to make sure that this topic was properly covered from two specific perspectives. Since you all know the first three panelists from the last show, let's see who the new ones are. The first panelist is my good best friend, Amy Rose."

"Hi all you viewers out there!"

"Next is the first femme fatale to be introduced in the video game series, Rouge the Bat."

"I'm ready for my close up."

Our final panelist is the mechanic of the Babylon Rogues, Wave the Swallow."

"Let's see if we can't handle this episode with a bit more grace than the boys did last time."

"Here's the topic for today's episode."

**Discussion Two: ****Best Female Character**

"Okay, so Cream will be directing this discussion first." Tails said. "Cream?"

"Right. I will start off with Amy. Do you believe that you are the best female character?"

"Yes, I do. Throughout the series, I have always done my best to empathize with others before making judgments. To prove my point, I will refer to E102 Gamma in _Sonic Adventure_, and the ending in _Sonic Adventure 2_. I never abandon my friends. I stand up for what I believe in no matter what."

"Any response to this Miss Rouge?"

"Actually yes. To say that Amy Rose is even a decent female character would be a drastic mistake."

"That's quite the claim to make, Miss Rouge. Would you elaborate?"

"Certainly. Amy Rose is highly prone to violence, and she is highly temperamental. She's an all around spoiled child."

"That was a vicious statement. What do you have to say to this, Amy?"

"I say that Rouge is in no position to pass judgment on anyone. She's nothing more than a thief who would go to any lows to get what she wants."

"Yes, I'm a thief, but only so I have an appropriate cover to continue my work with GUN. It's all for the greater good. If anything, that makes me the only female anti-hero in the series."

Amy snorted in disgust. "That a just a lie and you know it. You use your position as an agent to manipulate and trick people just so you can get your hands on a few jewels. You've never been interested in the greater good unless your own welfare was attached."

"We haven't heard from you yet, Miss Wave. What do you think?"

"I think that Rouge is full of it. She tries to make herself out as an anti-hero when she's really a glorified kleptomaniac. I mean, come on! She took advantage of a super-powered amnesiac to steal a few jewels in _two _games."

Shadow blinked in remembrance. "That did happen, didn't it? Why are we friends again?"

"Because I give you a place to live."

"Okay, now it makes sense. Please continue."

"Thank you. So if I'm a kleptomaniac, Wave, what does that make you?"

"I don't try to hide the fact that I'm a thief. I'm proud of who and what I am, and I could care less what other people think of me. It's that kind of bravado that makes me the best female character."

Jet and Storm, who were standing off stage, began to cheer and hoot.

"I at least try to bring a little class to the field. I face my rivals head-on, unlike you, Miss blow people up."

"I've never tried to kill anyone!"

"Right. Planting a bomb on someone's extreme gear was all in the name of fun. You did that for what again?"

"For an ancient treasure related to my ancestors."

"Wasn't it a flying carpet? Oh how special. Who wants actual extreme gear when you can have a _prototype?_"

"How was I supposed to know that it was a carpet? I thought it was ancient technology."

"Same idea. Who would possibly want new age technology when you can have some from hundreds of years ago?"

"I'm gonna have to agree with Rouge on this point. You sabotaged an eight year old. That makes you out as a bit of a female dog, if you know what I mean." Amy said.

"The bomb was just supposed to knock him out of the race, and it worked, exactly like I planned it to. That makes me a genius."

"The boys are a being a bit quiet in all of this. You guys don't have anything to add at all?" Cream asked.

Sonic was the one to represent the guys. "We just want to give the ladies the room they need to talk in this discussion while having their views and opinions respected."

Tails didn't buy that for a second. "If you're worried about them attacking you, we have security guards everywhere with mace, knockout gas, and stun guns. As an additional precaution, you all have tasers underneath your seats."

"Wave's lying through her teeth." Sonic said quickly.

"Hey!"

"That's gotta burn. Please elaborate."

"Do I even need to? It's so obvious; you'd have to be Knuckles not to see it."

"Go to hell." Knuckles said off-handedly. "By the way, a viewer sent in mail about the first show. Does the name, _Knuckles Chaotix_ ring a bell?

'What, you mean that game with you and the Chaotix Detective Agency? Well I guess that counts as your own video game." Sonic replied.

"Damn straight it does."

"Except for the fact that it was really the Chaotix's game. They're the ones that made their big debut in it." Shadow said smugly.

"My name's in it. That makes it my game."

"In Japan it's just called _Chaotix_."

"Yeah, but in America its _Knuckles Chaotix_, so it's still my game."

"As much as _Sonic and Knuckles _is your game."

"I hate you."

Tails stopped their argument. "Let's keep on target here. It appears Wave has a statement."

"I do. Sonic is a sexist!" Wave shouted angrily.

"Whatever you say, crazy lady."

"I already told you! I wasn't trying to kill you! I just wanted to trip you!"

"At hundreds of miles an hour _with a__ bomb_?! Do you know how insane that sounds?!

"Eggman tries to actually kill you all the time. Why are you getting on _my_ case about it?"

"He at least acknowledges the fact he's going to kill me. When he plants a bomb on me, he says, 'you're going to die!' He doesn't say, 'this should slow you down!'"

"What's your point?"

"My point is you're either a damn liar, completely insane, or just plain stupid. Bombs explode. They rip things apart when they do. They burn things in the process. I've never heard of someone using a bomb to 'trip up' anyone."

"Any words from you Knuckles?"

Yes. I would like to solidify what Rouge said about Amy not being the best female character. She clearly has the most issues out of all of us. Plus the whole 'damsel in distress' thing got annoying a couple years back. "

"Why Knuckles, I didn't think that you'd defend me." Rouge said, genuinely flattered.

"Shut up klepto, I'm talking here.

"Go to hell Echdina."

"Anyways, Amy is a stalker, period. Even in the Team Rose theme song of _Sonic Heroes_, her obsession is completely present in the lyrics. I swear, one day she's gonna snap, kill everyone, kidnap Sonic, and then drag him up to some deserted cabin in the mountains where she'll cut off his legs."

"You know I'm gonna get you for that." Amy said darkly.

"Please. When this show is over, I'm going straight back to my island. Good luck getting into the stratosphere you psycho bitch."

Tails turned to Shadow. "Shadow, you have the last say before me and Cream. Who do you think is the best female character?"

"I believe that…"

All eyes were set on him. Rouge sent a wink at him in trust and confidence.

"None of these women fit the bill. Not. A. Single. One."

"WHAT!?" All the women shouted.

"I'll sum up. Amy's a stalker with violent tendencies, Wave's been painted as a complete bitch – after one game, I might add – and Rouge…"

"What about me?" Rouge asked.

"The truth of the matter is this; you're a fan service character. Your only purpose is to be an object of lust for the male audience. That's why you're the only female character drawn with exposed cleavage. To be more specific, your furry fodder."

"Hey, I represent female empowerment!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Wow, you're a dedicated friend, Shadow." Cream commented. "I mean, you're willing to tell Rouge all of her greatest flaws when she could easily kick you out of Club Rouge."

"I'm not too worried. I and Rouge have too great a friendship for that to happen… We are still cool, right?"

"Not a chance. Have your crap out by tomorrow."

"Dammit."

Tails shook his head. "Well, this discussion wasn't as funny as the last one. I'm kind of disappointed."

"Didn't we just cuss at each other for thirty minutes straight?" Sonic pointed.

"Yeah, but that was at least fun. Don't forget we laughed at you for a good five minutes."

"Just hurry up and end the show. We don't have all day."

"So you are anxious for me to close the show."

"Yes."

"Okay, so we've clarified that your, 'waaaaaiiiitinnng!'"

"Close the stupid show!"

"Wait Tails, shouldn't we at least give the audience _our_ choice on best female character?" Cream asked.

"Well Cream, I don't know if we are in any position to give that. We're just a talk-show. Who the audience believes to be the best female character is up to them. They already have their beliefs on who is the best and that won't change, no matter what was said here"

"So we're completely avoiding the issue after spending thirty minutes talking about?"

"Exactly. The producer doesn't want to get harassed by a bunch of enraged fans because we said the wrong thing."

"Works for me! See you next time everybody!"

* * *

**A/N:** So their you have it. Remember, if you want to have the show talk about a particular theme or topic, send in your request through a review or email. Thank you, and please review. 


	3. Episode 3

Sonic Talk

"Hello, and welcome again to another episode of _Sonic Talk_, the mini-series where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise come together to discuss the topics and themes introduced on the show. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower, and here to help me today is Metal Sonic."

"Welcome meat-bags. I am present today to ensure that this discussion is efficiently operated. We shall begin with the introduction of the first panelist, Doctor Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik."

"Hello future slaves and victims of the Eggman Empire."

"Our second panelist is the ruler of the Black Arms, Black Doom."

"Greetings viewers, you are all blessed by my unholy presence."

"Our final panelist is the consciousness of Solaris, Mephiles the Dark."

"I will destroy everything you know. Until then, enjoy the last few moments of your existence watching this show."

"If your primitive, organic minds haven't comprehended the topic yet, then it will be clarified."

**Discussion Three: The Best Villain**

"With my flawless logic, I will choose the panelist that will most appropriately begin this discussion. Black Doom, you may speak."

"Personally, I find these circumstances to be quite odd. I do not understand why I am being considered a villain."

"You attempted to annihilate humanity by feeding them to your Death Leeches. This does not affect me because I am non-living, but the humans seem to find you quite evil."

"I merely sought to purify the Earth and save humanity from themselves. Mine was a sacred mission. I believe that my beliefs are equivalent to your Satanism."

"The majority of people consider Satanism to be evil." Tails said.

"They do? You Earthlings are truly a misguided species."

"For the sake of argument, could we call you a villain?"

"If you must."

"Thank you. What makes you the best villain?"

"I am the greatest of all villains because I was not cliché in my crusade. I did not seek to rule over humanity, I merely sought to destroy it. Also, my appearance marked the beginning in a series of darker toned _Sonic the Hedgehog _videogames. In assessment of my abilities, I am the most powerful villain to be introduced. I was unstoppable to the point that the regular hero of the series could not defeat me."

"It seems Eggman has a response to this." Metal Sonic said.

"I do. Black Doom is not as great as he claims to be."

"You are in no position to challenge me, Doctor. You, who have tried countless times to achieve world domination, but failed every attempt, should not even be here."

"I knew one of these two amateurs would say something like this, but I have prepared a defense. True, I've never been able to take over the world. True, I've been defeated at every turn. However, I still remain. You and Mephiles do not."

"I command your pardon?"

"You and Mephiles were both killed, while that cursed hedgehog and his friends have yet to rid themselves of me. I have been the thorn in Sonic's side for years, and it is most likely that I will remain to be so for the foreseeable future. With the serious tones established in both _Shadow the __Hedgehog_ and _Sonic__ the Hedgehog 2006_, my role as the most superior villain will only grow. If you want proof, then I point to my more sinister persona, Eggman Nega."

"It appears Eggman has made a valid point." Metal Sonic said.

"You are most grievously wrong, Doctor. Even Eggman Nega has yet to prove himself as capable as me. I was able to completely crush the human forces and ultimately succeeded in my plan to lower the Black Comet to Earth. As a result, all people of Earth were made completely helpless."

"Oh how ingenious, spray the entire population with immobilizing gas. Any fool could have thought of that."

"Then why didn't you?"

"For a superior species, you have the most immature sense of humor."

"Or maybe your human sense of humor is so underdeveloped you can't even understand my ascended wit."

"And people call me a megalomaniac. If I were you, I'd ascend up some legs."

"And if I were _you_, I'd find a way to get rid of that ridiculous mustache. That is, unless you're going for the whole Howard Shemp look. "

Mephiles chuckled silently.

"It seems you find their argument entertaining. Do you have something to add?" Metal Sonic asked.

"I guess I might as well. Their behavior helps to demonstrate their inferiority to me."

"Who are you to scoff at us, Mephiles? Black Doom said darkly.

"Well for one, I am a superior being to both of you. You may be some self-proclaimed dark lord of evil, but I'm the physical manifestation of the consciousness of a god."

"You are nothing more than an accidental occurrence. You wouldn't even exist if it weren't for the fact that Solaris was split into two." Eggman remarked.

"What are you getting at?"

Eggman adjusted his spectacles for show. "What I merely mean is that you are nothing more than a part of Solaris. If Solaris was your true form – which it's not, but if it was – You would be the dominant consciousness. Instead, you and Iblis are nothing more than broken halves that fade away when you recombine. You completely disappear. In other words, you die."

"The Doctor is correct. You ceased to matter when the _true _being that you represent came forth." Black Doom said. "You're nothing more than a desperate plot device that ended up making that dreadful game needlessly complex."

"Well, you began this discussion off of an unconvincing lie. If the people of Earth were so powerless against you, then how come an emotionally crippled hedgehog ended up being your death?"

"You are wrong once again. I was not killed by anyone from Earth, I was killed by Shadow. Technically, he is member of the Black Arms, so it took another member of my species to stop me."

"It looks like everyone here has been putting up a good debate." Tails said.

Mephiles spoke back up. "I have more proof of my superiority. I was able to achieve what you two could not. I killed Sonic the Hedgehog."

Eggman chortled. "I wouldn't brag if I were in your position, Mephiles. You could only kill the hedgehog by making everyone think you were sealed, and the way you killed him wasn't exactly what I'd call a testament of 'superiority'."

Black Doom couldn't help but chuckle as well. "Blinding him with a strobe light and then stabbing him in the back? How long did it take you to formulate that plan?"

Both Black Doom and Dr. Eggman laughed arrogantly.

"Silence! My plan was so painstakingly obvious that neither of you could have thought of it!" Mephiles bursted.

"Sure. By the way, why did you kill Sonic again?" Dr. Eggman asked.

"To make the Princess shed tears, thus, unlocking Iblis. This allowed me to become Solaris."

Both Doom and Eggman laughed even harder.

"I fail to see what you two fools find so amusing." Mephiles growled. "I almost undid existence itself."

"Don't you see how ridiculous your objective was?" Doom said after calming down.

"Your entire plan revolved around making a little girl cry." Eggman said with snobbish amusement. "Did you steal candy from babies and wheelchairs from the handicapped along the way?"

"At least I don't look like I hijack Burger King three times a day."

"You just had to go with a fat joke."

"How could you not see that coming? Look at you! Years of being in this franchise and you're still a wide load. I suggest you find a way to conquer a treadmill before you try to conquer the world."

"Well if I was a mouthless freak like you, I guess I wouldn't have this problem."

"Hey, this is a skin condition ya Captain Krunch-looking jerk!"

"The only reason you broke out of your seal in the first place was because you stole Shadow's form, granting you his Chaos Control. You're not even original." Eggman said.

"More original than you, Doctor. You carry out the same plan time and time again. For a genius, you seem to have difficulty learning from your mistakes. That's why no one has ever tried to kill you; you're not even a threat."

"At least I get the opportunity to make countless mistakes. You can't even say that. You were wiped directly from time."

"Precisely. I was such a threat, that I could only be dealt with by being erased from existence!"

Doom raised an eyebrow. "Are you actually proud of that? Your death only means you failed so miserably, you were taken out of time and space. By that logic, you never even did anything to begin with."

"Enough. We are arguing in circles. Let's have the fox boy end this discussion." Eggman said.

"It _is_ customary to have the hosts give their opinion, I suppose." Mephiles said.

"Wait, I have a better idea. Talking is something that the heroes would do. I believe that as proper villains, we should instead take action" Black Doom said.

A wicked smile spread across Eggman's face. "That actually sounds like splendid idea, Doom." Eggman snapped his fingers and his Egg Walker broke through the ceiling. He hopped in and activated the weapon system.

"Agreed. That manner of judgment would be far more entertaining than this discussion." Mephiles said.

"Shall we begin? Whoever can make the vulpine scream the loudest will win the first round."

"I don't really want to be here right now." Tails nervously said. He started backing up to the exit.

"With my superior logic, I have concluded that you should remain. Your pain will only boost the ratings, as humans find suffering amusing. For the good of the show and the ratings, I will assist." Metal Sonic began to menacingly approach Tails with the rest.

"Wow, look at the time. Shows over. See you everybody. Sonic!" Tails flew off with the four villains close behind.

Seeing that everyone had left, Jet came on stage. "Now that those losers are gone, I, the Legendary Wind Master, Jet the Hawk, hereby declare myself the most powerful villain to ever appear in the videogame series!"

"Extra points for hurting the bird!" Seeing the villains coming, Jet ran away with Tails following suit.

Metal Sonic stopped long enough to speak into the cameras. "Send in your mail, and the show will announce your votes for the villain that you believe to be the most evil."

* * *

**A/N: **There. If you noticed, no one cussed this time. I want to see if this fanfic would be funnier without it. Continue to send in your suggestions, and I'll try to respond to the best of my abilities. Thank, and review please. 


	4. Episode 4

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part of the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise or the characters. I hold the utmost respect for the creators and owners. This fanfic is meant purely for comedic value.

Additionally; certain jokes in this chapter were inspired by the maker of _Yugi-oh Abridged_, alias; Littlekuriboh.

* * *

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Hey everybody, and welcome back to another exciting episode of _Sonic Talk_, the mini-series where some of your favorite characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise get together to debate over the topics and themes introduced. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower, and here with me today as co-host is the member of Chaotix, Espio the Chameleon."

"I welcome all of you to another episode. Today, we're going to be doing something different."

"That's right, Espio. Many of the viewers have sent in topics they want to see discussed, but there's no way we can get to all of them individually."

"So we decided to perform a series of quick discussions back-to-back."

"To make sure we do this correctly, we've invited everyone who's been on the show in the past to come back today."

"We've also invited six new-comers. The first new panelist is the leader of Chaotix, Vector the Crocodile."

"Today a talk-show, tomorrow my own music video."

"The second is another member of Chaotix, and our youngest one at that, Charmy the Bee."

"A gig in Hollywood, I can't believe we've finally made it big!"

"Next, we have Princess Blaze the Cat as our third new panelist."

"I'm honored that I was asked to come here."

"Also, we have the character who introduced telekinesis to the series, Silver the Hedgehog."

"Hello everyone. Let's have a good debate."

"Leader of the Babylon Rogues, Jet the Hawk."

"I'm giving out autographs at the end of the show."

"And finally, Storm the Albatross, the muscle behind the Babylon Rogues."

"Gosh, I can't believe I'm on TV."

"Now let's look at the big screen to see what the first topic is."

**Discussion 4: The Worst Character**

"Shadow." Knuckles said immediately.

"That figures. Still angry me for that whole, 'you don't have a videogame' thing huh?"

"No, I just think you bring the series down. You may be popular with teenagers and all, but kids don't exactly like the whole emo thing."

"I told you, I'm not emo! I vote Knuckles. How do you go from being a serious character to comic-relief? That's why Blaze was created. _**Sonic Team**_ had to make up a new stoic character because he ruined the concept."

"At least I'm original and not a last minute clone."

"Are you implying I'm based off Sonic?"

"No, I'm stating the obvious fact that you're based off Metal Sonic. Your constantly angry, super-powered, and people mistook you for Sonic. You're the copy of a copy."

"Amy Rose." Rouge said. "She's annoying, loud, and a tacky dresser to boot."

"Rouge." Amy and Wave said together.

"You can't gang-up on me! That's not fair!"

"Can and will. You're a fan-service character, and fan-service characters cheapen everything." Amy said.

"I'm not a fan-service character!"

"Right. Don't you need to go jiggle in front of a camera or something?"

"I vote Vector." Sonic said.

"What!? Why me? If anyone's the worst character it's Charmy. Nobody wants to play as an ADD afflicted insect."

"Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't run around saying 'find the computer room' every three minutes." Charmy retorted.

"Tails." Eggman said. "I'm only stating what everyone else is thinking. Every single game it's always, 'Sonic help me, Sonic come quick, I'll prove myself to you, Sonic!' No wonder people keep writing yaoi fanfics about him."

"That's completely off basis!" Tails yelled. "I vote Eggman. He's not even a threatening villain anymore. The _**SEGA Corporation**_ keeps him around just to make older fans happy. That's why he hasn't been the main villain for the last seven games."

"I second that." Mephiles said.

"What a surprise, the mutants team up."

"I think it's Silver." Jet said. "He's the combination of Shadow and Tails. That's about as unoriginal as you can get."

"Then I say that it's Jet." Silver answered back. "Just because he sounds like that long-nosed weirdo from _One Piece_."

"This isn't getting anywhere." Espio said. "We need to put our differences aside and look at who's truly the worst."

Tails nodded. "I agree. It has to be someone who adds absolutely nothing."

"And they have to be completely inappropriate." Blaze added.

"Someone that's widely hated because they're clearly a forced or rushed character thrown into the series." Shadow said.

"They have to look like the makers of the game thought them up as a sick joke." Storm finished.

"Wait, I got it!" Cream shouted. "On the count of three, everyone yell the name out. One... Two... Three!"

"BIG THE CAT!"

"Now that that's settled, let's look at the next topic."

**Discussion 5: Parental Origins**

"Do we even have parents?"

"I do. Doctor Gerald Robotnik made me." Shadow said.

"True, but you were made from Black Doom's DNA."

"I guess so."

"In case you're wondering, you're not in my will you insolent whelp." Black Doom said angrily. "I gave my blood to make you, and I get thanked by being blown up? I have half a mind to beat you with a sack of oranges."

"My father was the leader of the Babylon Rogues, but that's pretty much all I know. I wasn't given very much of a back story." Jet said.

"At least you _had_ a parent." Storm said.

"I don't really think we need parents to have the series run successfully." Wave said.

"Actually, I _would_ like to know who my parents are. Then maybe I could find out why I ended up with such a disfiguring mutation." Tails said. "Hey Eggman, what do you know about your parents?"

"I know absolutely nothing._** Sonic Team**_ never gave me any. Speaking of which, my childhood is a bit fuzzy too."

"You think that if they decided to make the majority of us minors, then they would at least give us parents, or a good excuse not to have any." Knuckles said. "That would actually explain a lot of plot holes, like why I can't remember how I was able to fend for myself on a deserted island without any kind of parental care."

"Now who's complaining about amnesia?" Shadow said.

"Yeah, well at least I wasn't made in lab."

"What did you just say?"

"Sorry, did I touch a nerve? Why don't you run home and cry to mommy about it? Oh, that's right, you don't have one!"

"Neither do you!"

"I don't complain about it though."

'If you keep acting like an impudent child…"

"Look at me, I'm Shadow the Hedgehog! I obsess over a dead little girl and I sound like the Seto Kaiba parody from_ Yugi-oh Abridged_. Screw the rules; I'm the Ultimate life form!"

"Shotgun, tonight, you." Shadow growled enigmatically.

"Let's see what the next topic is."

**Discussion 6: Shadow; Emo or Gangster?**

"If I have to choose between one or the other, I'd rather be a gangster."

"Don't kid yourself, your about as gangster as Cream." Knuckles replied curtly.

"Hey, I _am_ gangster. I can ride or die and roll with the G's."

"Please, I'm more gangster than you."

"Doubtful. Everyone knows that guns increase gangstitude, and since I have about a dozen of them, my gangstitude far out scales yours."

"Last time I checked, gangsters don't listen to Fallout Boys and My Chemical Romance."

"Agreed." Metal Sonic said.

"You don't be disrespecting me, punks. I'ma drive by yo cribs and bust caps in y'all, ya feel me?"

"Great, now Shadow thinks he really _is_ gangster." Knuckles said aggravated. "Thanks for that, whoever sent in the request."

"Well, let's just end the show early. We'll do something like this again when more requests are sent in." Tails said. "Could you sign us off Espio?"

"Not a problem. Thank you for watching, and have a good day."

* * *

**A/N: **I hope that satisfied the people who sent in the request. Keep sending them in, and depening on their validity, I'll write a full-blown discussion on them. Thank you, and review please. 


	5. Episode 5

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Okay, welcome back to _Sonic Talk_, the mini-series where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise come together to argue over topics and themes suggested. I'm your ever-present host, Miles 'Tails' Prower. I would introduce my co-host for today, but I wasn't told who that was going to be. The producer just told me he arranged for a face from the past to be here."

"Long time no see, Tails. How you been?"

"Oh my gosh, is that you Mighty?!"

"I'm just as surprised as you. I pretty much figured my days on screen were over."

"Where've you been all these years? You kind of just disappeared on us!"

"Long story. To put it short-wise, the guy who created me quit _**Sonic Team**_ and he took all rights to my use with him.

"Wow talk about bad luck."

"You're telling me. This show is on neutral territory though, so I'm clear to act as the co-host."

"That's great! Do you want to introduce the panelist here today?"

"Sure thing. From what I've been told, everyone here has already been introduced once, so I'll make this quick. Please welcome Sonic, Shadow, and Metal Sonic."

"Glad to have you back, Mighty."

"Glad to be back, Sonic. How has Chaotix been doing?"

"Not so good. They just got back into videogames in 2004."

"Yeash, that bad? What about Bark and Bean?"

"Gone too."

"Humph. I bet Nack laughed his head off about that."

"About him…"

"He got kicked out too, didn't he?"

"Pretty much."

"So they completely got rid of guns in the series."

"No, this guy uses them now." Sonic jerked his thumb at Shadow.

"Oh right, the emo."

"I'm not emo!"

"Goth, emo, it's all cool."

"I'm not goth either!"

"Um, maybe you should just get us started off, Tails."

"Gladly. Here's the topic for today."

**Discussion Seven: The Fastest Character**

"See, this is another example of an 'obvious answer' topic. It's me." Shadow said.

"You're kidding right? You're not fast, you just skate!" Sonic said.

"The topic is who's the fastest, not who's the fastest runner. Therefore I'm still the fastest."

"How do you figure that?"

"It's common sense, really. Skating is always going to be faster than running. I skate all the time, so I'm always going to be faster than you."

"Skates don't count. For all we know, the skates are actually doing the work. You have to prove your fast without using tools."

"By that reasoning I'm the fastest." Metal Sonic said. "I was created to move just as fast as you."

"I don't see how that works out. Doesn't that mean you're only as fast as me? Not more?"

"If I added an extra rocket, then I would be faster."

"I just said you can't use tools."

"The rocket would not be a tool. Any device I use automatically becomes a part of my body."

"That's cheating! In fact, you shouldn't even be here. Your entire existence revolves around being a tool." Shadow said.

"Are we talking about me or you?"

"Oh ha-ha. Another, 'Shadow is a tool' joke. When did you get programmed with a sense of humor you glorified trash-can?"

"I'm not. I'm only programmed to state consistent fact."

"You smug son of a-."

"Hold that thought, please." Tails interrupted. "Now Sonic, why do you think you deserve to be called the fastest?"

"Do I really have to explain? For twenty-five years I've been called the fastest-thing alive. I mean, come on! I break the sound barrier for fun!"

"With your feet or your mouth?" Shadow said.

Metal Sonic chuckled mechanically. "Target efficiently burned."

"Look at that, the two characters with the least personality getting along. Shocking."

"I wasn't simply created to be as fast as you; I was designed to look like you as much as possible. Since that was the case, I always wondered why I was never given a mouth. It would have been a small task for Dr. Eggman to have supplied me a working one. I now see it was meant to be an upgrade."

Shadow was now the one to chuckle silently to himself while Sonic glared daggers in Metal's direction.

"I thought you weren't programmed with a sense of humor."

"I'm not. I was merely stating an epiphany I had."

"I could fix that mouth problem for you, you know. I'd even be happy to tear you a few other holes."

"Let's get back on target." Mighty was the one to interrupt this time. "Metal Sonic, what are your points?"

"My engine allows me to accelerate at a faster rate than Sonic. In addition to this, my ability to analyze and duplicate subject data could very well be utilized to give me the ability to become faster."

"Then why haven't you done that yet?" Sonic pointed out.

"It never occurred to until now."

"Stupid robot."

"On the contrary, I am quite intelligent. Specific data even seems to state that my intelligence surpasses your own."

"What data says that?"

"Data gathered from the TV series, _The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog _and _Sonic Underground_. Even if forcibly programmed, I would have rather initiated self-destruction before saying such lines as, 'you got it ace, let's race' and, 'okay Vern, it's time to burn'."

Shadow, Mighty, and Tails fell to the floor in laughter.

"Why does everybody keep bring that back up?"

"Welcome to my world." Shadow said as he got back to his chair.

"You're no better than the rest of us, Metal."

"I fail to see how. Out of everyone in this series, I'm the only one that's been able to hold on to his dignity."

"You didn't in _Sonic__ Rivals 2_."

"Reference your claim with efficient data."

"I have your efficient data right here. In _Sonic __Rivals 2_, Eggman order you to protect Shadow at all costs. When you and Shadow both got stuck in an alternate dimension, you ripped the Chaos Emerald from your body just so Shadow could use Chaos Control to escape."

"I did it to preserve my own existence."

"You could have just teleported out on your own. You already had the Chaos Emerald. Face it Metal, you were a remote controlled puppet."

"…Touché."

"Ha! In your face!"

"Yes yes, good for you. You still haven't proven why you're the fastest." Shadow said.

"Look, it's my shtick. The entire series depends on me being the fastest. I'm supposed to be the speedster, the blue blur, the supersonic hero. Just please let me have this."

"Fine, whatever, I don't even care anymore. I'm already the bad-ass of the series."

"I disagree. Your entire character is an organic version of me." Metal Sonic said.

"Can we please save this for another time, possibly?"

"Maybe since we ended early, we can talk about some other things." Mighty suggested.

"Yeah, okay." Tails said. "Wait, I remember something. The producer said that he was trying to pull some strings to get a special episode made."

"What's it supposed to be about?"

"He didn't say too much, but it has something to do with a fanfiction website."

"You mean that place where people keep writing yaoi fanfics about me?" Sonic asked. "I swear every time I run across one, I die a little inside. I'm pretty sure half of them are written by Amy."

"I don't see how the show can be done on that website. They banned the use of script format." Mighty said.

"I find it highly unlikely that _any_ talk-show parody would work there. Without script format, the conversations would be confusing." Metal Sonic put in.

Shadow added to the conversation. "I heard that the producer wants to turn this show into a flash animation."

"I don't see that working out either." Sonic said. "There's no way he'd be able to find the voice actors for it."

"I don't know, I just heard it through the grapevine. It was probably meant as a joke anyway."

"Well, I'm out of things to talk about. What do we do now?" Mighty asked.

"We usually end the show at this point." Tails said.

"So this is the last time I get to be on TV again? This sucks!"

"Maybe not. Let's ask the audience if they want you to stay as the permanent co-host."

"How often do people respond back to the show?"

"Often enough to settle the matter. We'll see what happens."

"Better than nothing, I guess. See you everyone, and don't forget to send in mail about what you think of the show. Please, I'm begging all of you! Don't let me disappear again!"

* * *

**A/N: **You heard him folks, voting will be opened to see if Mighty stays or goes. Until next time, thank you for reading, and please review. 


	6. Episode 6

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of _Sonic Talk_, the mini-series where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise come together to debate and discuss topics introduced. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"And starting today, I'm your co-host, Mighty the Armadillo."

"Looks like your luck is improving. The majority of people voted that you should stay."

"I'd say. I don't have to go back to that void of nothingness I've been floating in for years."

"Since people still want to see other characters co-host, we decided to make a new position on the show."

"That's right Tails. So starting today, we'll be inviting a person every episode to act as the regulator for the discussions. This will let me and Tails get more involved in the debates rather than just host them."

"With that, I'm glad to welcome the regulator for today, Omochao."

"Hey everybody, and welcome to the show!"

"Now Omochao, you've faced more abuse than any other character. How have you been taking that?" Tails asked.

"Well, I kind of expected it when I took the role of tutorial guide. I just didn't know that the creators would turn it into a running gag. Did you see that thing in _Shadow the Hedgehog_?"

"Oh yeah, they made the Omochao Cannon an unlockable in the game. That was needlessly sadistic."

"The Germans call it schadenfreude."

"Let's get the show started. Today we have the characters Shadow the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, and … I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Tails it's me, Marine the Raccoon!"

"…"

"We met in _Sonic Rush Adventure!_"

"…"

"You helped me build a ship so I could travel the world!"

"…"

"Blaze the Cat was there."

"Oh yeah! … I thought you were just a one-time character."

"Whacka." Marine groused bitterly.

"Any ways, let's see what the topic is today."

**Discussion Eight: The Most Patient Character**

"Mighty, why don't you start us off?"

"Alright, let's begin with Shadow the Hedgehog. I'm sure that you have a few good points to add."

"I would consider myself the most patient person in the series because unlike everyone else, I've barely lost my composure, ever."

"Yeah, but that's only because you're excessively violent. You never lose your composure because it's barely there in the first place."

"I don't understand what you mean; now don't judge me or I'm going to kick you in the throat."

"See?"

"If I was the duplicate of a duplicate, I'd probably be angry all the time too." Knuckles said.

"At least I have anger issues in a classy manner. You yell all the time and people write you off as an idiot. I throttle people for relatively loose reasons, and people think it's cool because I don't show emotion while doing it."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! You can't justify being a rageaholic!"

"I think I just did."

"So you're admitting that you're not patient?"

"I'm patient enough, and that's all I'm saying."

"Uh, that's… interesting." Omochao said. "Let's move on to Knuckles."

"Two reasons why I'm the most patient character. One, I spend most of my time doing nothing while sitting in front of a large emerald. If that's not patience then I don't know what is. Two, I had to put up with Sonic all these years."

"I can see the first point, but I don't know how effective your second point is." Tails said.

"You've been around Sonic; you know what I'm talking about."

"Not really…"

"So you're telling me that not once, not even once, Sonic has ever gotten on your nerves?"

"I wouldn't say that, but -."

"There, point made. Not only have I had to put up with Sonic, but I've also had to deal with some of _your_ more irritating moments."

"Now that's just uncalled for! I'm never annoying!"

"I have to disagree with you." Shadow said. "I thought you were annoying when you stopped me from getting to Cosmo."

"You wanted to kill her!"

"If you really want to go into details, I could see how that _might_ justify you."

"Now I'm glad I haven't been in anymore games." Marine said. "That hedgehog is completely troppo!"

"Who asked you?" Shadow said. "By the way, that's the worst British accent I've ever heard."

"That's because I'm an Aussie, you twit."

"Same thing."

"I find that offensive!"

"I find it offensive that _**Sonic Team** thought they could pass off a Cream/Amy copy."_

Omochao watched in confusion. "Do you guys usually get off topic like this?"

"More than you'd know." Tails said. "Anyways, we haven't heard from Eggman yet."

"Finally. I, Dr. Robotnik, am the most patient character in the videogame series. Even though I've tried countless times to kill that cursed hedgehog and his annoying fox side-kick-"

"Hey!"

"Let me finish; and I've failed at every attempt, I haven't given up yet!"

"How admirable. Most people would have quit after proving that they are a complete failure, but you just keep beating that dead horse."

"Why thank you, I… wait a minute!"

"This is the most fun I've ever had. _Ever_." Mighty said happily.

"You should have been here on the first episode. We laughed at all those corny sayings Sonic uses." Shadow said.

"You mean like that time he yelled 'teria'?"

"No, not that one. Though I would like to know what that meant, exactly."

"I've noticed that this show borrows a lot from that one machinima." Knuckles mused. "What was it called again? Oh yeah, _Red vs. Blue_."

"That's not a coincidence. The producer thought that this series would be funnier if we followed the same style. That's why this talk-show was created." Tails said.

"Has it worked?"

"No, not really. People just watch this show so that they can see us belittle and embarrass ourselves in ways that we would never do via canon."

"Speaking of which, somebody sent in viewer mail asking what would happen if someone used the Master Emerald to go into a 'Super Form'." Mighty brought up. "We can't really debate that."

"Then why don't we just test it?" Knuckles suggested. "I take the M.E. here with me whenever I do this show."

"Your obsessive, you know that?" Shadow said.

"I'll start listening to you about being obsessive when you stop crying over Marina."

"It's Maria."

"Whatever."

"She was like a sister! My grief is completely different from your paranoia!"

"You know what I heard just now? Blah blah blah, I'm emo, blah blah blah, I'm stalling because I don't want to test out the Master Emerald theory."

"Fine, I'll do it." Shadow said wearily.

After Knuckles had dragged the Master Emerald on stage, Shadow placed his hands upon it.

"You guys might want to take cover. The incredible powers I'm about to obtain may very well incinerate everything around me... Knuckles, feel free to stay."

"Ha-ha. Just test it already."

Everyone took cover as Shadow tapped into the powers of the Master Emerald. The entire stage shook as the Master Emerald shined brightly. Shadow disappeared from sight as he was enveloped in a beam of energy. Just as soon as it started, it stopped.

"Is everyone okay?" Omochao asked.

"Yeah, I think everybody's good." Mighty said. "Hey, where's Shadow?"

"He's right here. You guys are going to want to see this." Knuckles picked up a regular, black hedgehog with red tipped quills.

"This isn't funny!" Shadow squeaked.

"I beg to differ."

"I think it's an improvement." Marine said.

Tails couldn't stop staring. "Why did _that _happen?"

"Because the Master Emerald nullifies all chaos energy. Since Shadow himself is a source by which chaos energy is channeled and released, he was completely nullified into a regular hedgehog... that talks." Knuckles explained. "If we get Silver and Sonic to do the same thing, we could put them in color-coordinated outfits and make a show like _Alvin __and the Chipmunks_. We'll be rich!"

"Don't even think about it." Shadow growled in a high-pitched voice.

"That was randomly weird." Mighty said. "Should we name our choices now?"

"Yeah, might as well. We can't have a decent discussion when one of the panelists just turned into a common animal." Tails said. "I vote Eggman, for the reason I stated before."

"I choose Eggman for the same thing. Congratulations Eggman, you have just been declared the most patient character in the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise. Your vigilance in the face of imminent failure has finally paid off."

Eggman rolled his eyes. "I'm so overjoyed."

"Well that's it for this episode." Knuckles said. "Wave bye-bye to the audience, Shadow." Knuckles picked up Shadows paw and waved it at the camera.

"Stop that! This is completely humiliating!"

"I know, I'm enjoying every second of it."

* * *

**A/N:**That was fun. I haven't decided, but I just thought that you might want a heads up anyway. I'm running out of material, so I might end this fanfic at episode ten. If somebody wanted to pick this fanfic up after that, I'd be happy to talk that over with them. Thank you, and review please.


	7. Episode 7

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of _Sonic Talk_, the mini-series where your favorite _Sonic the Hedgehog_ characters get together to discuss and debate the topics introduced. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"And I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo."

"For today's regulator, we have here with us Marine the Raccoon."

"Today will be extra rippa!"

"You wanna introduce the panelist, Marine?" Mighty asked.

"Be glad to. Our panelists today are Shadow, Knuckles, and for the first time ever, E123 a.k.a Omega."

"Multiple targets sighted. Attack mode on standby."

"Um, should we be worried?" Marine asked nervously.

"Nah, he does that all the time in public." Tails answered. "I think it's time to show the topic for today."

**Discussion Nine: The Strongest Character**

"Alright, who are you going to pick first, Marine?"

"Let's call on Knuckles."

"I'm the strongest character in the series because I was created that way. Sonic's the fast one, Tails is the smart one, I'm supposed to be the strong one. It's my thing. That's why in every game, they have to make characters based off of my attribute so I can have some serious competition."

"You mean the fan-service girl and the stuttering bird? Please, they're last-minute plot devices." Shadow said.

"It's not my fault I keep getting paired off against the dumbest members of the rival teams. Anyway, why are you even here? You're a speed-based character."

"I can overturn a bus with one hand."

"Can you actually throw a bus?"

"No, not really."

"Can you break through several feet of metal?"

"No."

"Can you dig through solid rock?"

"No, but I-."

"Then you don't belong here."

"Affirmative." Omega agreed.

"Now you two are just pulling hairs."

"The discussion is who's the strongest. I and Omega automatically rule you out."

Marine spoke up. "Actually, I don't think Shadow has ever gotten into a real fight before."

"What about _Sonic Battle_?" Shadow asked.

"Doesn't count. All of the weaker characters were given skills that they would _never_ have in the official games."

"Face it Shadow, the only reason you're here is because the show was out of viable candidates for this episode." Knuckles said.

"If you're so strong, how come you haven't beaten Rouge yet?"

"I did."

"Technically, you didn't." Tails remarked. "In _Sonic Adventure 2_, she kind of fell off the platform you were fighting on. The battle was inconclusive."

"The fight didn't need to get finished. I actually have an important back story with years of character development. She's a generic large proportioned femme fatale. In all seriousness, the fight was filler."

"So you're afraid of fighting a girl." Shadow said.

"I didn't say that."

"You basically did."

"So if I hold back against a woman I get labeled a wuss, but you beat up an eight year old and that makes you tough?"

"It takes a whole different kind of tough to beat up a defenseless kid."

"… I can't even think of a joke for that."

"Let's go to Omega." Mighty said.

"Unit E123 is superior in strength to all others due to one logical fact. This unit was designed to create destruction on a maximum scale; therefore, I have been given the most strength to accomplish that goal."

"Yeah, but you forget that your strength is only half of your ability to destroy. The other half is your fire power."

"Plus you haven't actually done anything that the other strength-based characters can't do." Tails said.

"This unit is the only character to have tried to kill another being with his bare-hands."

"Guns don't count." Shadow said.

"My weaponry is integrated into my body. All of my weapons count as bare-handed combat."

"Now that's complete crock."

"I have to agree." Knuckles said.

"My weapons are regulated to the same role as subject Shadow's Chaos Control."

"I agree with that too." Knuckles said.

"Let's do a quick review." Marine interrupted. "Shadow is physically the weakest panelist here, and he barely utilizes any physical skills he might have. I think we can officially rule Shadow out."

"You can't do that!"

"No, not officially, but it's pretty obvious that you're not going to get the title of strongest character." Tails said.

"So what do I do now?"

"You could just try and prevent anyone else from getting the title."

"That works for me. I'm taking Omega down with me."

"It is unlikely that subject Shadow can accomplish this goal."

"I can and will. The fact that you were created by Eggman automatically rules you out."

"I'm sure you can elaborate on this." Tails said.

"Yes, I can. When has anything Eggman ever built been able to stand on par with the rest of us?"

"Looks like he got you there Omega." Mighty said.

"This does not relate to my own creation. I am superior to all of Eggman's creations."

"What about E102 Gamma? You don't think you're just a replacement for him?" Shadow pointed.

"Negative. The fact that I still exist beyond one game shows my superiority to Gamma."

"And you don't think that has anything to do with me and Rouge backing you up?"

"Negative."

"I didn't know robots could be delusional."

"I'm surprised. You seem to have that organic trait in spades; I assumed you were an expert."

"And I assume that if I ask you why you have a sense of humor, you'd tell me that you were only stating a consistent fact."

"Affirmative."

"Glorified talking trash can."

Tails got the topic back on hand. "Well, we might as well finish this thing up. I vote for Knuckles as the strongest character."

"I vote for Knuckles too." Mighty said.

"I third that vote." Marine said. "It's settled. Knuckles is the strongest character in the video game franchise."

"That wasn't even a challenge." Knuckles stated proudly.

"We might as well end the show now." Tails said. "Oh, before we go, there's an announcement that needs to be made."

"Right." Mighty said. "The next two episodes are pre-determined. Next time, we'll invite the key characters here to talk about what should be done to improve the series, and the episode after that is another multi-discussion special."

"So for the next episode, don't forget to send in suggestions on how the series can be improved. We'll be glad to add anything within reason." Marine said. "Bye everybody, see you next time!"

* * *

**A/N:** That last part about suggestions was true. I already have my own ideas on how the series can be improved, but my singular view would be boring. Send in any suggestions you have via review, and I'll try to add them. Thank you for reading, and please review. 


	8. Episode 8

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of _Sonic Talk_, the series where we discuss topics and themes introduced. I'm your host, Mile 'Tails' Prower."

And I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo. The regulator for today is Tikal."

"Hello everyone, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance." Tikal said with a bow.

"As we stated last episode, this episode's topic was predetermined." Tails said. "Considering its nature, we felt that we wouldn't be able to cover this topic with just our own opinions."

"That's why we called for you, the viewers, to send in your suggestions on this particular topic." Mighty said. "Tikal, would you please introduce the panelist for today."

"Certainly. We have with us Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Amy, Blaze, Silver, and Eggman.

"What about everyone else?" Tails asked.

"We decided to only invite the people who have been in the series the longest." Tikal answered.

"Then why is Shadow here?"

"Because he's the second most popular character in the series."

"Fair enough, now let's go to the topic for the day."

**Discussion Ten: How to Improve the Series**

"I think we can all agree that the games as of late have, for loss of better words, sucked pretty bad." Mighty said.

"Besides for the recurring camera problems, the plotlines have been confusing and average." Tails said. "But now we get a chance to vent out our disappointments."

"Let's see the first suggestion." Tikal said. "Mighty?"

"Okay, the first suggestion is to stop rushing games out for the holidays and console launches."

"That's a good point." Tails said. "If **Sonic Team **thought of that, _Sonic the Hedgehog 2006_ might have been a better game."

Sonic slapped his hand over his face. "Please don't bring that one up; we're all still trying to put it behind us."

"You're overreacting." Tails said. "The glitches were pretty annoying, but the game itself wasn't that bad."

"One; the game was supposed to celebrate the twenty-fifth anniversary of the series and bring it to the next gen consoles; there should have been zero glitches. Two; the whole love interest thing with Princess Elise was disgusting."

"It was a way to add to the story." Tikal said. "I don't see what the problem was."

"The problem was _she's a human_. Do you have any idea how wrong that is? Especially since somebody down at **Sonic Team** thought having her kiss me _when I'm dead_ was a good move!"

Tails scrunched up his face. "When you put it that way, it just sounds weird."

"Exactly. What I want to know is how the game got an 'E' rating with that scene. Swearing is bad for kids, but suggested bestiality and necrophilia is a-okay?"

Eggman shrugged. "That didn't really surprise me. After all, we get away with having an androgynous fox for a character."

"I'm a guy, you fat load! I'm just pre-pubescent!"

"Several fanfics would argue otherwise."

"By the way, why don't we invite Princess Elise on to the show?" Mighty suggested.

"No, absolutely not. The last thing I want to do is sit next her. Do you know she slipped her tongue in during the kissing scene?" Sonic said revolted.

"What?!" Amy jumped out of her seat. "I've never even gotten that far yet! I'm gonna kill that hussy!"

"She won't stop calling me either. I'm trying to get a restraining order, but I can't unless she actually tries something."

"So you're concerned about _her_ stalking you and not Amy, who by the way, has been obsessed with you for years?" Tikal questioned.

"Amy has never violated me the way Elise did."

"You know what I found annoying?" Knuckles began. "That they pulled a deus ex machine on the whole thing. The entire story lost all importance after that."

"I don't see why you have a problem with that. You never had an important role in that game in the first place, but I guess you're used to that by now." Shadow said arrogantly.

"Don't start with me today."

"Let's keep on task." Tikal said. "Anything else in the letter?"

"Actually there is." Mighty said. "The viewer goes on to suggest that the games focus more on Sonic and rely less on the super forms."

"I agree with the first part." Sonic said. "I _am_ the main star of this entire franchise. It only makes sense that the games should have more of a focus on me. The second part, not so much."

"No, I think the viewer has a point." Knuckles said. "The super forms are used way too much. It also doesn't make sense that every new character seems to have one right from the start."

"I think you're just jealous." Silver said. "All because you had yours dropped years ago doesn't mean you should blame us for it."

"First of all, you're the last person I'd be jealous of, Silver. You're a fluffed up hedgehog version of Tails."

"Don't compare him to me." Tails said offended. "I've never whine as much as he does."

"I am too original!"

"Prove it." Tails said. "What do you have that nobody else here has?"

"… Gray fur?"

"Oh, I'm completely convinced now." Tails said sarcastically.

"Secondly, you two have no explanation whatsoever for your powers, especially you." Knuckles continued. "Unless we start assuming that all hedgehogs can use the Chaos Emeralds."

"Does that mean I'm going to get a bigger role?" Amy asked hopefully.

"No, no it doesn't." Knuckles answered.

"Aw."

"I have a legitimate reason." Blaze said. "I'm the guardian of the Sol Emeralds; it's only natural that I have powers."

"If that's the case, then how come I don't get any? I hang around the Master Emerald all the time, but somehow I'm still weaker than two guys that have to run around the world just to find seven gems to match my emerald's power."

"Wow, that doesn't make any sense at all." Blaze said.

"Yeah, **Sonic Team** screwed me over pretty bad."

"How do you put up with it?"

"By isolating myself on a floating island in the stratosphere."

"Putting everything else aside, I believe we can all agree the super forms are cliché to the point of annoyance." Tikal said. "Let's move on to the next letter."

"Alright, the next letter suggests that characters be kept consistent." Mighty said. "Looks like there referring to Blaze and Eggman Nega."

"That's a valid point." Tails said. "It's never explained how the two know each other. They kind of got thrown together at the last minute."

"Where or when are they from anyway?" Amy asked. "Blaze said she was from another dimension, but Silver said they were from the future."

"You know, I have no idea myself." Blaze said. "It's all so confusing. I'm also supposed to be the queen or princess of something, but I can't remember what. I can't even remember who my parents are."

"Join the club." Sonic said. "Any more letters?"

"Yeah, the next letter states that the games should be more like the first episode of this show." Mighty said. "Huh, I wish."

"Comedy always makes thing better." Tails said. "I think that if the series could stand back and laugh at itself a bit more, it would be a lot more entertaining."

"You got that right. I mean, the games would never let me say stuff like this." Knuckles turned towards Shadow. "You can go fornicate yourself with an iron rod, you god-complex ridden emo."

"And I would never be able to say this." Shadow turned towards Knuckles. "Up yours, you defective douchebag."

"Good times, good times." Sonic said. "We really do have a lot of fun here."

"Looks like we're at our last letter." Mighty said. "The final suggestion from one of the viewers is to bring the characters from the SatAM show back."

Yeah, I wish they were brought back too." Knuckles said. "Then at least we'd have some real characters instead of last minute copies of Metal Sonic."

"You said that already. Don't you have any new material?" Shadow scoffed.

"How about this then? SatAM's storyline was more depressing than you brooding in the corner of a dark room while listening to "_Breaking the Habit_" and playing your own videogame."

"It's settled; Knuckles had the best comeback this episode." Eggman said. "Still, I miss that show. Back then I was taken seriously."

"And I still can't believe we got away with having a naked female character. Sonic said in reminiscence. "That was awesome."

"Good riddance to her. That Sally Acorn was even worse than Rouge." Amy said matter-of-factly. "How dare they replace me with some last minute comic character?"

"Well looks like we're at the end of our show." Tails said. "My final suggestion is to have us do something else instead of looking for seven different objects each game."

"Yeah that's just tedious!" Amy exclaimed. "And even when we find everything, we just end up losing them at the end!"

"Also, it seems there's a change of plans. The next show will be about the couples in the game series."

"Like today, we'll be taking suggestions on the most viable couples in the series. No yaoi or yuri for obvious reasons." Mighty said.

"Bye everybody!" Tikal waved. "See you next time!"

* * *

**A/N: **Remember to send in your choices on Sonic Couples and your reason why you think they would work out. Thank you, and review please. 


	9. Episode 9

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

Hi and welcome back to Sonic Talk, the mini-series where the cast of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_franchise get together to talk about the games and the topics introduced. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"And I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo. For today's regulator, we have with us again, Tikal."

"That's right, Mighty." Tails said. "As the viewers know, we were supposed to be having a multi-comment special today, but some of our plans changed."

"We're pushing that back a few episodes. Instead, we're having a discussion on one of the most argued topics among fans; legitimate couples in the series!" Tikal exclaimed.

"That's why we have a large number of characters present today to act as panelists." Mighty finished up. "Allow me to introduce Team Sonic, Team Rose minus Big (no real loss there), Team Dark, and our friends from the alternate time-dimension or whatever plot they came into the series with, Blaze, Silver, and Marine."

"So here's how it's going to work." Tails started off. "We asked the viewers their favorite pairings and the reason why they would work. Since there's no way we could go through each letter individually, we're going to group them based off the paring and then name off the reasons why people thought that specific pairing would or would not work."

Sonic shrugged nonchalantly and propped his feet on the table. "Fine by me, I brought my own ammo for this episode." He pulled out a piece of paper from behind his back.

"What's that supposed to be, Sonic?" Tails asked.

"You'll find out. Let's just say that this little number'll come in handy for one of the more obvious pairings."

"Let's try to have fun with this." Tikal stated politely. "Just for formalities, we will be showing the topic on the big screen."

**Discussion Nine: Sonic Couples****(SonicXBlaze, SonicXAmy)**

"Give us the first pairing, Mighty." Tails requested.

"Alright, here it is. The first pairing is… Sonic and Blaze!"

"No, never, not in a million years!" Amy shrieked as she stomped around in a tirade. "I'm the only one that belongs with Sonikku!"

"That's not what some of the fans say." Mighty countered. "They think she'd make a better match 'cause she's not so clingy. Also, she can actually contribute to whatever adventure Sonic goes on."

"Well, she does have a super form." Tikal said. "Not to mention she's a pyrokinetic."

"That's crazy, I add on to all the adventures I'm included in!"

"Actually Amy, to tell the truth, you've been a bit of burden." Tails said hesitantly.

Amy whirled on the fox with a burning glare. "What was that?"

Tails immediately backed away and hid behind a chair. "I'm just saying that you tend to be distracting, what with the stalking and the hammer assaults."

"It's how I show my love!"

Knuckles leaned over and whispered to Sonic. "Why haven't you gotten a restraining order?"

"I can't get photographic proof that she's a threat." He stated morosely.

"Any other reasons, Mighty?" Tikal asked.

"Let's see… Oh, here's two more. First one says Blaze and Sonic can gain from each other's difference in personality."

Amy huffed. "Humph, Sonic gains from me plenty."

"Yeah, he gains a good workout when he's running from you." Shadow muttered. "Besides, Blaze seems to be a better match for him."

"I never imagined that you would have an opinion for this kind of topic Shadow." Rouge stated in surprise.

"Please, it's not that I care or anything, it's just that Blaze seems to be the type Sonic goes for; wealthy and top of the upper-class."

"Right, because of his relationship with Sally Acorn in the cartoon and comic." Tails affirmed.

"Hey, Sally just _happened_ to be a princess." Sonic stated defensively. "It's not like I _tr__ied_ to weasel my way into money or something."

"Didn't you end up marrying her in the comic?" Knuckles pointed out.

"That was just a possibility issue."

"But you still get together after you broke up with her, right?" Tails asked.

"So what? I just needed to straighten my priorities."

"It is highly unlikely that your choice was made without the factors of her wealth and status being considered." Omega stated matter-of-factly.

"Will you guys back off? Geez, just move on to the next reason." Sonic grumbled.

Mighty continued. "The next reason is that Blaze can keep Sonic in line. Someone else stated that her determination and focus counteracts his care-free attitude."

"Well, that kills the pairing for me," Sonic said conclusively. "I'd rather have Amy around; at least I can outrun her."

"What, am I not good enough for you?" Blaze asked with an insulted tone to her voice.

"Hey, I'm a free spirit. I'm not about to give up my freedom for anyone, especially for someone who can kick my ass and light me on fire when she's mad."

"You put that in context so well." Blaze stated blandly.

"I think this is a good time to move on to the next pairing," Tikal suggested. "Mighty?"

"Okay, let's see what the next choice. Only one left is Sonic and Amy!"

"Yay!" Amy cheered. "I bet most of the fans voted for this one!"

"Of course they did, it's the most obvious pairing in the series." Rouge said snidely.

"Anyways, what's the opinion on that one?" Tikal asked.

"As expected, most people seemed to agree with this one. One person even wrote that it's the sanest pairing."

"They used the word sane and Amy in the same sentence? That just doesn't sound right." Knuckles said.

"Ha, it's the most reasonable pairing out of all of them." Amy stated haughtily. "I and Sonic are fated lovers, destined to be together forever."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what these fans think." Mighty said. "One wrote that there were a lot of hints for it in _Sonic X_."

"Then we can null that comment in a sec, because whatever _Sonic X _added to the series was ruined by Christopher Thorndyke." Sonic said.

"Fine, but it's still noted that attempts to strengthen your connection to Amy were taken. Also, by tallying up the mail, it turns out that this pairing has the most requests, right next to the 'Sonic and Blaze'."

"And that's why I brought this puppy along." Sonic pulled out his piece of paper.

"So we finally get to see your secret weapon." Silver said curiously. "What's so important about what you have?"

"What I've got here is a quote by _the_ creator of the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise." Sonic tapped the paper with each word to emphasize his point. "Here's undeniable proof that a relationship between me and Amy will never be canon."

Marine scoffed. "You're really stooping low with this bluff."

"Oh, but I'm not bluffing. The creator stated, and I quote; "_Amy will continue to pursue Sonic all the time, but Sonic will never get married. I cannot picture the image of Sonic that he is married and has children._" Now that's pretty straightforward." Sonic folded his arms and sat back with a smug grin plastered across his face.

The entire cast's attention was focused upon Amy, expecting her to collapse into a mental or emotional breakdown of the highest caliber. Instead, her smug smile was even more prominent than Sonic's.

"Wow Amy, you're taking this very well." Cream commented.

"That's because I have my own secret weapon, courtesy of one of our own viewers." Amy pulled her own piece of paper out from behind her back.

"Oh God why." Sonic groaned.

Amy cleared her throat dramatically. "This viewer was kind enough to provide a quote from **SEGA **during the period that Disney Adventure Magazine was sending the company viewer mail based around a question concerning this particular pairing. **SEGA** stated, and _I_ quote; "_Although Sonic is clearly interested in [Amy], Sonic has always been too shy to declare his feelings._" Now _that's_ straight forward." Amy beamed victoriously, turning the dark blue hedgehog pale.

"That's a lie!" Sonic denied desperately "They can't make my mind up like that!"

"We're their property, so technically they can." Silver said.

Mighty dug into the mailbag and pulled out a letter. "Hey, guess what? I found that same letter, and the fan made another solid point. They state that in _Sonic Adventure DX_, Amy was actually bored without an adventure."

"What does that have to do with anything?!" Sonic yelled, clearly frustrated.

"It means, and this is paraphrased from the fan, that Amy isn't the type to settle down either, and your letter stated, Amy will most likely be chasing you forever. All because you won't get married doesn't mean you won't have an official relationship."

"Not if I can help it!" Sonic said determined. "All these years I've been dodging commitment like the plague, and I'm not about to stop now all because some powerful company in Japan says otherwise!" With that, Sonic shot off the stage in a blue blur, kicking up a gust of wind that blew everyone back.

Amy ran off the stage after her elusive love interest. "Darn it Sonic, get back here!"

The rest of the cast looked after the two in silence. The faint sound of a cricket chirping could be heard.

"… That was obvious." Shadow said. "But still amusing to see him suffer."

Knuckles nodded. "Yes, because watching someone pursued by an unrelenting and violent stalker is always a barrel of laughs."

"How much you wanna beat she's a sexual predator too?"

Tails shrugged. "I guess now we give our vote. Tikal, what's your opinion?"

"I would say that I like the Sonic and Blaze pairing better. The two really do complement each other personality-wise. What about you Mighty?"

"My vote is for Sonic and Amy. They've been together for years, so you can really say that the whole runaway and chase gag constitutes their relationship."

"Guess that leaves me. I vote for neither, because I don't think its Sonic's style to be pinned down to one girl. I mean, if you look at the comics and the cartoons, he's constantly bouncing from one girl to the next."

"Looks like we've really gone over the time for this show." Mighty said. "I guess we just pick up this couples discussion next episode."

"That's a good idea." Tails agreed. "Let's make it official; we're focusing on pairings with Knuckles next."

"So long everyone, see you next time!" Tikal waved.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow, over fifty reviews! I never thought this whole concept would catch on, especially since I made this fanfic just to vent stress over another one. To restate, I'm focusing on pairings with Knuckles next. Thank you for reading, and review please.


	10. Episode 10

Sonic Talk

(Theme music plays with entrance.)

"Hello and welcome back to Sonic Talk, the talk show where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog_franchise come together to discuss topics revolving around the game genre. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"And I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo. Today we have Wave the Swallow with us as the regulator."

"The real question is why I wasn't chosen earlier for this."

Tails swept his hand towards the panelist chairs. "With us are Team Sonic, Team Dark, the modified Team Rose, Blaze, Silver, and Tikal."

"We already stated last time that we'd be focusing on pairings for Knuckles." Mighty said. "And we received a ton of viewer mail with suggestions."

"So like the show did last time, I guess, we'll read off the pairings and their general favorability," Wave explained. "Now let's get the show going."

**Discussion Ten:**** Knuckles Pairings (K/R, K/BU**** K/T,**** K/J,****K/BL, K/C K/?)**

"Let's start off with… Knuckles and Rouge!"

Knuckles slapped his hand over his face. "Here we go with this mess."

"Quite a few people voted for this one." Mighty said. "Can you blame them? The actual games themselves hint at this pairing."

"Then I'd like to go on the record by saying that it's never going to happen. In fact, pairing Rouge with _anyone_ would be pushing it." Knuckles said.

Sonic nudged him in the side. "Don't deny it, we all know you like her."

"No, I really don't."

Rouge winked flirtatiously. "You don't have to be shy, treasure hunter. It's only natural that you'd fall for a jewel like me."

"Believe what you want to, batgirl."

"What are you saying?" Tails asked.

"I'm saying that I don't like Rouge. I and Rouge will _never_ happen. I'd rather be with Amy before I ever go out with Rouge."

"Aw, I didn't know you felt that way about me, Knuckles." Amy said admiringly.

"Don't flatter yourself; you're the lesser of two evils by a thin margin."

"You're dead after the show!"

Wave smirked amusingly. "I think we're about to have a fun debate here."

"A lot of fans pointed out that you two have mutual crushes towards one another," Mighty said. "They also referred to the fact that you saved Rouge's life and then shared a moment afterwards."

"Fine, I admit it. I find her attractive."

"Now that wasn't so hard to say, was it?" Rouge stated smugly.

"But so does every other guy on in this series. I would have to be pretty pathetic to emotionally attach myself to someone whose only interest is in what I own. I'm not _that_ desperate!"

"You know you like the attention." Rouge said with a sly smile.

"See? She's the full embodiment of a fan-service character; fun to look at but painful to listen to."

"Hey!"

Knuckles continued. "She's manipulative, scheming, greedy to the point of near stupidity, and just an all around… Well, I really shouldn't say it on national television."

Amy exhaled loudly. "Finally! I thought I was the only one who saw that!"

"Then why'd you save my life?" Rouge asked.

"I wasn't saving your life, I was protecting-."

"The Master Emerald's shards would have survived the lava's heat," Tails said. "We all know that excuse is bunk."

"No, I was going to say I was protecting my _image_. How would fans be able to see me as a good guy if I let a woman fall to her death after engaging her in a _fistfight_? The misogyny undertones would've gotten me banned from the games permanently."

"But what about her obvious attraction to you?" Mighty questioned. "One of the fans wrote that she flirts with you the most out of all the other guys."

"If you didn't catch what was wrong with that statement, go over it again," Wave said. "Rouge flirts with_ every guy_. She only flirts with the red mutt the most because she thinks he'll be dumb enough to let her near his emerald."

"Exactly!" Knuckles exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "By the way, I'm an Echidna… racist."

"So Rouge is a stalker? Dude, can we trade up?" Sonic requested. "Mine doesn't have enough bounce."

One death glare from Amy made Sonic scoot his seat to the end of the stage.

"Well, I guess **Sonic Team** just needed a last-minute rival when they thought her up." Silver mused out loud.

"Teapot calling the kettle unoriginal." Tails muttered.

"A rival is someone who's an equal," Knuckles stated. "I've held my own against Sonic more than once, so putting Rouge on my level is an insult to me _and_ the people who play the games. They didn't suddenly become stupid and forget every fight I've ever been in."

Shadow shot up from his chair angrily. "How dare you say all of that! The heartless bit is supposed to be _my_ shtick!.. You probably shouldn't say stuff about Rouge either."

"That's how a _real_ anti-hero does it. Take notes chump."

Rouge faced away from Knuckles in a huff.

"But she has to have some semblance of a conscience to stick with Shadow so closely." Silver said.

"I guess you could say that, if you want to ignore the fact she used him like an amnesia-stricken meat puppet." Wave said. "The only reason Rouge lets him live with her is so that she can use him whenever she wants."

"Wow, I' think we're going to get flamed big time for this episode," Tails said. "Let's move on."

"Okay then, the next couple is… Knuckles and Bunnie Rabbot!"

"What's with this series and bad puns?"

"You don't have room to talk, 'miles per hour'," Wave jeered.

"I think that's a great pairing," Amy said. "Bunnie has just the attitude to help Knuckles soften up."

"I'm the most hardcore character in the series, I _never_ soften up," Knuckles stated.

Shadow snorted. "Keep telling yourself that."

"The fan who brought this up wrote that Bunnie's steadfast and cheerful attitude would appeal to Knuckles," Mighty said.

Knuckles cupped his chin in thought. "I guess she'd be okay. Anything's better than Rouge."

"Go to hell," Rouge snapped.

"I don't think she had any quirks either," Tails said. "Well, except for the stereotypical southern belle dialogue."

"Speaking of stereotypical, I think she's engaged to that Antoine guy," Sonic added. "You know, that cowardly French coyote."

"No real problems with that couple," Mighty said. "The next one is… I can't believe this, Tikal and Knuckles."

Tikal's face scrunched up in disgust. "Ew, we're related! How could anyone suggest that?!"

Silver shrugged. "They probably didn't know. Then again, incest isn't exactly new territory for Knuckles."

"What the hell does that mean?!" Knuckles fumed.

"You married Julie-Su in the comic, right? She's your third cousin."

"… I think I'm going to kill a few writers after this show."

"Uh, let's just skip the next pairing then." Mighty pulled out a remote and deleted **K/J **from the screen. "The next one is… I think we should skip this one too."

"It can't be that bad." Wave said. "Just hurry up and read the stupid pairing."

"Fine, I warned you guys; Knuckles and Cream."

An awkward silence filled the studio.

Cream covered her mouth, clearly on the verge of tears. "Oh dear goodness…"

Knuckles stared at the screen, bemused with the situation. "What have I _ever_ done to make people think I'm a pedophile?!"

"We will never speak of this again." Mighty deleted **K/C** from the screen. "Next we have… Knuckles and Blaze!"

"I'm for it," Blaze said.

Silver gawked at her incredulously. "What?!"

"No complaints here," Knuckles said.

"No, Blaze and I are supposed to be together!" Silver claimed desperately. "It's in the games! It's in the fanfics!"

"No, you blatantly said the two of you were friends," Mighty said. "The fan who suggested this wrote that the sense of duty shared by the two makes them a good match."

"We actually are." Knuckles agreed. "Funny thing is we've been dating since episode eight. Turns out we have a lot in common."

"Sorry Silver," Blaze said sincerely, "but you're just too sensitive for me. We can still be friends, right?"

Silver didn't answer as he slumped back in his chair with a blank expression. He somehow managed to stay perfectly still, unblinking and unmoving.

Sonic waved his hand in front of Silver's face. "Cool, he's gone into mental withdrawal. I can't wait to put this segment on YouTube."

"That brings us to the last pairing," Mighty declared. "We saved this for last just to see Sonic and Knuckles's expressions."

Sonic shot up in his seat and turned paler than last episode. "Oh no, you don't mean…"

Mighty shrugged apologetically. "Sorry guys, but this pairing came straight from the network proprietor. Our hands were tied"

Knuckles jumped up from his seat. "We said no yaoi! Pack it in, fan girls!"

"But the suggestion was that if Sonic were turned into a girl, it wouldn't technically be yaoi."

Sonic leapt onto his chair and yelled at the top of his lungs. "_What kind of excuse is that?!__ How the hell is giving m__e a sex change supposed to not make it__yaoi?! That's like saying a stapler's a __book all__ because you change its__name! The pairing's still yaoi in all of its revolting definition!_" Sonic collapsed to the ground, breathing hard from his loud rant.

Wave looked down at the hedgehog and rolled her eyes. "Overreact much? You guys are already as anatomically correct as Ken dolls."

"My data shows that the female Sonic scenario was previously carried out in _Sonic Underground_." Omega informed the group. "The character Sonia was little more than a purple Sonic. Even their voices were done by the same man, the one popularly known as Urkel, real name Jaleel White."

"I'm just glad they didn't suggest turning _me_ into a girl for once." Tails said.

Looks like the shows over. Next time we're doing Shadow pairings?" Mighty suggested.

"Yeah, then we'll be doing the next show on me." Tails said. "You heard it all here viewers; send in your choice for Shadow pairings and we'll discuss it on the show."

"Also, on behalf of the producer, I would like to say that we hold the utmost respect for the network proprietor (i.e. the manager of the 'Circus of Station Square'). I say this because kissing up is a required skill in this business."

"So that's all for today folks." Wave signed off. "See you next time."

* * *

**A/N**: Just so there's no confusing, just send in your choices for Shadow related pairings, I'll take suggestions for Tails next time.

One more thing; it's pretty obvious I'm going past ten chapters for this, so you don't have to worry about this fanfic ending too abruptly. Thank you, and please review.


	11. Episode 11

Sonic Talk

"Hi, and welcome back to _Sonic Talk_, the show where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise get together to talk about themes and subjects from the games. I'm your host, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"And I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo. For today's regulator, we have with us Black Doom. Don't ask me why, I don't know any more than you people."

"The answer is quite simple, turtle-shelled rat creature." Black Doom said haughtily. "I caught wind of the topic for today's show. As Shadow the Hedgehog's sire and lord of the Black Arms, I must ensure that he properly selects the utmost ideal mate to continue the existence of our race."

"What race? I'm pretty sure I wiped the Black Arms out." Shadow said. "_You_ wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the loophole of non-canon."

"As long as my blood flows through you, you are a member of the Black Arms. That is why it is now your duty to atone for your genocide by reproducing and restoring our kind to its former glory."

"Oh now that's just complete bullsh-."

"Moving on." Mighty interrupted. "The panelists are Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Wave, and Tikal."

"Now that we have that out of the way, let's get started with the show." Tails said. "The topic for today is…

**Discussion Eleven: Shadow Pairings (Sh/A, Sh/R, Sh/Ti, Sh/C, Sh/W, Sh/MS)**

"We'll begin with… Shadow and Amy!"

Shadow groaned in annoyance. "Great, it's like the viewers are _trying_ to aggravate me."

Sonic shrugged. "Better you than me."

"Let's examine the evidence provided for this coupling." Mighty said. "Viewers have written that your conflicting personalities complement each other, and that your sense of commitment far outweighs Sonic's."

"Don't forget that Amy shares similarities to Maria." Tikal added.

Shadow rolled his eyes. "She glomps me one time, and all of a sudden were a match made in heaven. One, the girl is obviously obsessed with Sonic, so she'd never have any interest in me."

"Yep, Sonic and I are lovers for life! But…" Amy looked Shadow up and down with a critical eye. "Hmm, maybe with an attitude change and a dye job…"

"No. Secondly, I tried to kill her _five seconds_ after meeting her for the first time."

"Yeah, I vaguely remember that happening in _SA2_." Tails said.

"So why would I want to associate myself with her in any shape or form?"

"What about the whole Maria similarity?" Mighty inquired.

Shadow spat in disgust. "Maria was like a sister to me, I never had any romantic feelings towards her whatsoever. It's also insulting when people compare her to a hopelessly delusional fan girl."

"I am _not_ delusional!" Amy countered.

Everyone broke out into roaring laughter. Even Black Doom was shaking with demonic cackling.

Tails took a deep breath and wiped a tear from his eye. "Seriously, let's get back on track. If we're done with that pairing, let's move on to… Shadow and Rouge!"

"They deserve each other." Knuckles said. "One's a sociopathic goth, and the other's a twisted bi-."

Rouge swiftly flew out of her chair and kicked Knuckles hard in the solar plexus.

Doubling over in pain, he clutched his stomach and fell to his knees. "Ow, what the hell?!" He grunted out.

"I'll aim lower south next time you call me that." Rouge threatened as she stomped back to her spot.

Knuckles shook off the blow and got back up, being sure to cross his legs and turn his chair away from her. "Anyways, they're both horrible people in general."

"I too find potential in her malevolent tendencies." Black Doom said. "Tell me scantily-clad bat, what are your feelings towards mass slaughter and aligning yourself with the forces of darkness?"

"One of the viewers claimed that Shadow is the only guy that Rouge actually shows genuine care and interest towards." Mighty said. "I think they'd make a realistic couple."

"I can see flaws in that." Tails said. "Rouge's and Shadow's actions are largely based around self-gain. Sure they've shown concern for each other from time to time, but their self-oriented personalities keep them from getting involved on an intimate level."

"So more of a close friend's kind of thing?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. They have enough in common to be emotionally-attached, but they're too egocentric to commit to a romantic-type relationship."

"Let's ask Mr. Shadow and Ms. Rouge how they feel." Cream suggested. "So, what do you two say?"

All eyes turned towards the two in anticipation.

Rouge simply waved her hand in indifference. "Meh."

Shadow crossed his arms carelessly and shrugged. "Better than a firm kick to the mouth."

"… Expected." Knuckles commented. "But I'm sure the fans aren't going to be too happy with this."

"Well it's not like we're saying they _can't_ work, it's just a 'snowball's chance in hell' kind of scenario." Mighty said.

"If it involves hell, then so much sweeter the choice." Black Doom said. "Let's move on."

"Okay." Tails said. "The next couple is… Shadow and Tikal!"

"Only if I was into necrophilia." Shadow said briskly. "Next pairing."

"Shouldn't we at least discuss-."

"Next."

"But-."

"Next!"

"Fine, we'll just move on. The next pairing is…"

Shadow unstrapped a gun from underneath his chair and aimed it at the young fox. "If that **Sh/C** stands for me and Cream, I'll shoot you."

Tails quickly pulled the remote out and fumbled with the buttons to delete the paring from the screen. "Let's go on to… Shadow and Wave!"

"Both of them tried to kill me, so sure, why not?" Sonic threw out.

"Don't even go there again." Wave grumbled. "Anways, I've never even talked to the guy directly, how could I possibly have any feelings towards him?"

Shadow nodded. "In fact, we haven't even met in the seires yet. The only way we'd ever work out is if we were in some universe where logic and sense hold no bearing."

"In other words, a fanfic." Mighty said. "That brings us to the final pairing. Tails?"

"Okay, the final pairing is… Shadow and Mary Sues!"

"What?" Shadow asked.

"You know, female original characters. The kind fans create to interact with the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ universe."

"So you mean girls from the kind of fanfics that completely warp my personality? The kind where I end up in an otherwise irrational and forced relationship? I'll pass on that."

"Not all of them are totally unlikely." Amy said. "It all depends on the author's ability to justify thei choices."

"Then we can cut you out right away, can't we?"

"You told me my romance novel with you and Princess Melody of the Unicorns brought you to tears!"

"It did, in the same way tear gas does. If I personally wasn't atheist before, I am now, because no just god would allow your story to exist!"

"On that note, we'd like to mention that the opinions of the characters do _not_ represent the producer's or the rest of the staff's." Mighty said.

"I guess that brings us to the end of the show." Tails said. "We just have two important things to say before we go."

"The first is about last time's pairings." Mighty said. "**K/J** stood for Knuckles and Julie-Su, for those of you who didn't know. Also, the person who suggested Knuckles and Tikal would like to apologize. They had no idea the two were related."

"The second message is about the yaoi, or male/male pairings some of you viewers keep sending in." Tails said. "Though we have no idea who you are (cough) crazed fan girls (cough), what we're about to say is not meant to be offensive."

"Far be it from us to criticize your opinions." Mighty said. "But the entire male cast of the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise as a whole would like to voice their personal opinion on yaoi pairings. Ahem…"

"WE ARE **NOT** GAY!!"

"Thank you for tuning in." Tails said. "Don't forget that next time's show will revolve around pairings for me! See you next time, folks!"

* * *

And just like that, I'm back. Sorry for the long wait, and I'm serious about not being intentionally offensive. Remember that this is all for comedic value. Don't forget to send in pairings for Tails and your defense for them. Also, the age old question will be asked... Why does Amy tackle every other hedgehog she runs into? Thank you for reading, and please review.


	12. Episode 12

Sonic Talk

"Hi, and welcome back to _Sonic Talk_, the show where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog _franchise get together to talk about the series. I'm your host, Mighty the Armadillo."

"And for the first time ever, I'm your host, Sonic the Hedgehog! Today's episode is all about my little buddy, Tails."

"That's right Sonic," Mighty said. "Last show we asked the viewers out there to send us their opinions on the best couple pairings for Tails."

"So we pretty much guessed this episode would stretch to be like, sixty seconds tops."

"That's why we came up with the desperate ploy of explaining why Amy tackles every Hedgehog she meets…. Yeah, we're scraping the bottom of the barrel here."

"But every other guy got an episode based around this topic, so we obviously aren't going to skip over Tails," Sonic said.

"What about Silver and the others?"

"I mean the guys that actually matter."

"Good point. Anyways, the panelists are Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Wave, and Marine."

"Let's get this show on the road!"

**Discussion Twelve: Tails Pairings (T/Cr, T/Co, T/A, T/M, T/W)**

"According to the screen," Mighty said. "The first pairing is… Tails and Cream!"

"Pretty obvious if you ask me," Sonic said. "They're around the same age, they're both sidekicks—."

"I prefer the term co-hero," Tails interjected.

"Don't push your luck. They both can fly somehow, and their personalities line up pretty well."

"Plus they'd make a cute couple!" Amy declared. "Just think; if they get together, we can start double dating, Sonic!"

"Amy, for the thousandth time, _we are not dating_. I don't like you that way and I never will. The sooner that gets through your delusionary haze, the sooner we can all get on with our lives."

"…Pick me up at seven?"

"It's like talking to a wall of crazy," Knuckles chuckled.

"Yes, Amy's psychosis is very entertaining, but let's please try to stay on track," Mighty said. "What's your view, Tails?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "No, I just don't see it."

"Any particular reasons?"

"Well for starters, Cream's really childish."

"I am _not_ childish." Cream pouted. "I can act like an adult when I…" She stopped midsentence as a butterfly fluttered past her line of vision. "Ooh look, pretty!" Cream jumped out of her chair and gave chase.

"There's your proof," Tails stated. "Besides, it's pretty clear that we're just friends, no more and no less."

"That's what the fans wrote." Sonic said. "They stated that your relationship is platonic at best. That, and your both still at the 'cootie stage' of your lives."

"That's just absurd," Tails dismissed.

"Well I can see how you're a bit more mature than to believe--."

"I already inoculated myself with an advanced vaccine years ago. No strand of cooties in existence can touch me now."

"Forget I said anything."

"Let's move on to the next couple," Mighty said. "The pairing is… Tails and Cosmo!"

"Of course we make a great couple." Tails said. "We've been together since the end of _Sonic X_."

Awkward silence filled the room as everyone stared at him blankly.

"Uh, Tails," Sonic began uncertainly. "You haven't forgotten she's… dead, right?"

"Not anymore, not since I brought her back to life."

"You mean you actually did? That's great!" Amy exclaimed. "I thought that would only happen in a fanfic. Where is she?"

Tails picked up a potted flower from behind his chair and set it on the table. "See, she's as good as new!"

Everyone exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"Uh, that's just a flower." Marine stated, completely puzzled by the development.

Tails laughed as if that was the funniest joke in the world. "Not just any flower, but a flower that I grew from the seed Cosmo left behind."

"Dear Lord, he actually kept that thing?" Shadow whispered. "Why didn't he just find her head and cultivate _that_ into the undead, it'd be the same thing."

"I know, it freaks me out too," Knuckles whispered back. "Should we, you know, do something?"

"I say we jump him after the show and burn that thing back to Hell"

"For once I totally agree."

"Stop it, shame on you two." Sonic whispered harshly. "He's been going through a hard time since Cosmo passed away. If that plant helps him cope, than there's nothing wrong with it."

"She told me that after she gets a body, everything will be back to normal," Tails announced with a broad smile. "Isn't that right, Cosmo?"

Everyone stared at the plant expectantly. Nothing happened.

"There you have it, straight from her own mouth!" Tails said cheerily. "Isn't that great, guys?"

Everyone smiled nervously and nodded their heads. Shadow and Knuckles glared at Sonic tellingly.

"Fine, the unholy plant dies tonight. But if he starts talking about twenty-one sacraments, you two are on your own."

"Let' move on." Mighty said uneasily. "The next pairing is… Tails and Amy!"

"Their age difference is too great." Blaze said. "I haven't been part of the franchise that long, but I'm pretty sure we don't encourage pedophilia… Necrophilia and bestiality maybe, but certainly not pedophilia."

"That joke got old three episodes back," Rouge said unenthusiastically. "But still, I agree. Amy's already messed up enough; she doesn't need another mental problem."

"For starters, Tails is like a little brother to me." Amy countered. Secondly, y_ou're_ the one that actually kissed him, not me.

"It was a peck on the cheek, and that was just to win the stupid match."

"So you admit to seducing an eight-year old. I always knew you weren't picky, but..."

"How dare you, you flat-chested rugrat! At least I don't throw myself at a guy who's obviously not attracted to me!"

"Well at least _I_ can stick to one guy, silicon queen!"

"Easy now, we'll just change the topic," Mighty said.

"Aw come on," Sonic said. "Things were just about to get good." A death glare from Rouge and Amy respectfully kept Sonic's mouth shut.

"The next pairing is… Tails and Marine!"

"I guess I could always use a first mate…" Marine pondered. "Just as long as I get to call the shots."

"Not even if my life depended on it." Tails stated firmly.

"Oiy, what's so bad about being paired with me?"

"You know what; I don't even need to tell you. You know why? Because you're not a recurring character. Chances are I will never see you outside of this show, _ever_."

"That's what you think! SEGA will bring me back, you'll see. Then I'm going to rub it in your face, that's a bloody oath!"

"Please, SEGA's never brought back an Australian character. Look at Nack; you don't see him coming back to the games anytime soon."

"They dropped him like _Super Smash Bros. _dropped Mewtwo," Sonic added.

"Shut up," Shadow grumbled.

"Geez, get over it already. They replaced him with Lucario, didn't they?"

"Lucario is for furries!"

"Dude, have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sonic pointed out.

"The next pairing is... Tails and Wave!" Mighty said.

"I like 'em older and taller." Wave said haughtily. "Guess it's your loss, shorty."

"Not really. I don't like chicken."

"Hey!"

"Well, we covered everything," Mighty said. "Seems like in the end of this whole special, only Knuckles found someone."

"Yeah, about that; Blaze and I were lying. We've weren't dating and we never have." Knuckles admitted.

"Then why'd you say you were?"

"If you haven't noticed, Silver tends to be clingy," Blaze said. "It gets annoying after a while. So I called in a favor, and Knuckles was more than happy to help out."

"That's pretty cruel."

"Don't worry, I'll just tell him that we broke up eventually."

"So none of us ended up in a relationship," Sonic mused aloud. "… Alright, I'm still a player, sweet!" He jumped on top of his seat and pumped his fist in the air.

"Thank goodness for that, I'm better off as a bad-ass loner anyway," Shadow said. "Where does that leave you, Knucklehead?"

"As the guy whose gonna curb-check you if you call me that again," Knuckles growled. "Now come on, we have stuff to take care of."

Shadow and Knuckles exited the stage.

"Where are they going?" Tails asked.

Sonic glanced around apprehensively. "To take care of the, uh, surprise party for you and Cosmo!"

"Wow, can you believe it Cosmo? I told you they'd accept everything."

"We sure did. In fact, I'll personally take you both of you to the party after the show."

"Thanks Sonic, you're a true friend."

"The best you'll ever get. Now let's move on to the whole Amy thing."

Amy crossed her arms and huffed. "I don't see why I have to stick around for this."

"Because you need to hear this." Tails explained. "It just doesn't make sense why you continue to confuse every single hedgehog with Sonic."

"I just make a few mistakes, that's all."

"No, it's more than that. Shadow was standing _in broad daylight _when you glomped him," Mighty said. "Are you color-blind or something?"

"The sun was in my eyes."

"What about Silver?" Sonic inquired.

"It was night out."

"Silver practically glows in the dark, Amy!" Tails shouted. "He doesn't even look remotely like Sonic! I mean, I can understand the whole Shadow mix-up under certain conditions, but Silver's case has no explanation."

"Just tell the viewers your point already," Amy grumbled.

"This is the theory we've come up with," Mighty began. "As far as we know, Amy's not particularly stupid."

"I'd argue against that," Rouge commented snidely.

"Also, Amy doesn't seem to have visionary problems."

"So here's our explanation," Tails said. "Years of obsessing over Sonic have created a subconscious impulse beyond her control."

"As a result, it's become instinct for her to assail anything remotely hedgehog shaped. She can be totally conscious of the fact that it's not Sonic, but she'll still be compelled to tackle it."

Amy placed her hands on her hips. "That's stupid. No one can be so obsessed to that level."

Tails brought out a cardboard cutout in the shape of an average, anthropomorphic hedgehog. Amy immediately charged across the stage and took the cardboard cutout down with a flying tackle.

Shaking her head, Amy awakened from her daze and stared at the cutout, bewildered by what had just taken place. "Did I just black out?"

"Exactly," Mighty said. "I think we've proved our point."

"Well that's it for today," Sonic said. "That brings us to the conclusion of our pairings saga. Next time, we're doing a special on a topic the producer's been having us push back for awhile."

"So get ready for next time, because we'll be talking about OCs, or fan-created characters."

"Bye everyone, see you next time!" Sonic waved. "Come on Tails, time to go. Don't forget to bring Cosmo with you."

"Boy, I hope the surprise isn't ruined by me knowing about it."

"Oh you'll be caught off guard, believe you me."

* * *

**A/N: **So next episode will be about fanmade characters and their place in the Sonic Universe. Either send in your own opinion or the opinion of any character you might have made. To make sure that you get credit, be sure to include the title of the story your character is from. Just remember, the whole 'fan character's opinion' thing is optional.

Thank you for reading, and please review.

(P.S. Might be a good idea to indicate what species your character is too.)


	13. Episode 13

**A/N: **The reviews have been edited for certain reasons, so... Sorry, I guess. Any who, on with the show.

* * *

Sonic Talk

"Hi everyone and welcome to _Sonic Talk_, the show where we get together to talk about the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise. I'm your co-host, Mighty the Armadillo. Tails is usually here to do this part, but it looks like he's running late. I wonder why…"

"He's not late; he's just not coming," Shadow said, "not after what we did to him."

"Please tell me you didn't kill him. If he's dead, we can't go on with the show, and that means we can't get a paycheck independently of SEGA."

"No, as much as I pushed for it, we didn't kill the kid. These two pansies over here wouldn't let me."

Sonic anxiously rubbed at the back of his neck. "It's all kinda complicated. Tails put up more of a fight than we thought he would."

"The fox throws tantrums like an ADD stricken five year old on a sugar high. Naturally, we took the necessary measures to _calm_ him down," Shadow added menacingly.

"What did you _do_?" Mighty said.

"Nothing too serious, but at the end of it all, we had to throw him in a straitjacket," Sonic said. "That's when the real problem came up."

"We couldn't get rid of the plant," Shadow said. "We took a welding torch to that thing, but it wouldn't even smolder. We tried hacking it to pieces, but it dented every saw we used. We tried smashing it to a pulp, but our sledgehammers broke in the process."

"You're kidding," Mighty said incredulously. "That thing must really be possessed."

"What? No, that's stupid," Knuckles dismissed. "Tails just pulled some science mumbo jumbo to make the darn thing invincible. Until we can undo whatever he did, we're keeping that thing in a locker and tying the locker up in chains."

"So where's Tails?"

"Bouncing off of the walls in a padded room," Sonic answered. "You wouldn't believe the number of rooms in this studio, and all of them have something totally different."

"I found an open bar," Shadow added. "I trust all of you will know where to find me after the show."

"Guess that means I'm the main host again," Mighty said, "but who's going to be the co-host?"

"Why not Jet?" Sonic suggested. "He hasn't shown up in a while."

"I guess we don't have any other choice. Hey Jet, you're up!"

Jet came strutting out from stage right while waving dramatically to the crowd (_Sonic Talk_ is not filmed in front of a live studio audience). "Back by popular demand!"

"No not really, but whatever floats your boat, innit?" Mighty said. "But back to the show. If you viewers were tuned in last time, then you'll know that today we're going to tackle the topic of OCs."

"That stands for original characters, fan-made creations that enter the Sonic Universe via fan fiction or fan art," Jet said. "I'm not entirely sure what else we're doing, so I'm just going to let Mighty get the jargon out of the way."

"We asked you out there, the viewers, to send in your opinions on the subject or have your OCs send their own two cents. Unexpectedly, most of the mail was negative. I _really_ did think that people would approach today's theme more optimistically."

"Which would have given _us_ the fun of stomping their views into the ground," Shadow said. "But since that's not going to happen, how are we going to get our kicks now?"

Mighty handed Jet a card from which to read. "Huh, it looks like the producer saw this coming. He's volunteered—which if you think about it actually means forced—his own OC onto the show as a model for criticism on the topic."

"Oh joy, we get to hang out with a gay, Scottish wolf."

"For the thousandth time_, I am not gay_!" A dark purple and neon pink wolf walked onto the set indignantly.

"And I'm sure that was the farthest thought from every viewer's' (reader's) mind at their first look (reading of) at you."

"My color scheme is a reference to another wolf from another video game series. I'm technically a walking tribute."

"So you're the tribute to yet another gay wolf."

"Shut it, inebriate; I didn't come up with the idea."

"I can tell this is going to be a fun episode," Jet muttered under his breath. "The panelists are Sonic, Shadow, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, and Rouge. Our guest is Clyde Howlton."

"Without further ado, let's get on with the show!" Mighty exclaimed

**Discussion Thirteen: OCs and Their Place in the Sonic Universe**

"So let's begin with the letters," Jet said. "The first one states:"

--

**My opinion on OC's is that while they can be a good addition to the Sonic universe (as long as the author puts some effort into them) more often than not they are either:**

**a. Carbon copies of established characters just with a different appearance/personality. (See also: gender benders)  
b. Self-inserts that the author claim aren't really but clearly are.  
c. Weird mixtures of traits from several different established characters.  
d. Mary-sues/Gary-stus  
e. All of the above.**

**--**

"And I've run into every single one of those," Knuckles said. "You know what I hate the most? Self-inserts. I mean, if the author can pull it off without making themselves the center of everything, sure why not? But more often than not, they can't. Fanfics like that make me want to gouge my eyes out with my own fist spikes."

"Ya got that right," Sonic agreed. "I've run into more copies of me than I can even remember, and only handfuls were actually worth remembering. The rest either tried to take the spotlight from me or came on to me, and that latter isn't exactly my idea of fun."

"If you thought Amy was bad, try dealing with a powered-up, self-inserted, Mary-sue fangirl," Mighty said. "GUN had to reinforce the entire studio just to keep them out."

"I don't think they're that bad," Amy said. "Some of them are really fun to talk to."

"You're just saying that because they make Sonic see you as bearable in comparison."

"I know, isn't it great? Everything's finally coming up Amy!"

"I started carrying a taser for the crazy ones," Shadow said. "You know, for the ones that get past the burning moat of lava and minefields?"

"And no more adorable kid characters," Cream added huffily. "This is Cream country."

"What about Charmy and Tails?" Rouge cited.

"They don't even qualify as competition, and as long as I keep them going at each other's throats, it'll stay that way."

"It's nice to see your using what you've learned. Tomorrow I'll teach you about the proper wardrobe."

"I'm not going to let you corrupt my best friend!" Amy declared. "Keep your rotten claws away from her, hussy!"

"We have a lot to get through, so let's just move on," Jet said. "Here we go:"

--

**My opinion on fan character is that most of them, let's face it, suck. They steal the spotlight from the other characters or they are so overpowered to the point of being ridiculous. I've been reading fanfics for awhile now and I've only seen two good OC's, that's way I am going to go on a quest to make at least a decent OC.**

**--**

"At least someone's going to make a conscious effort," Rouge muttered.

"And don't get me started on the overpowering," Shadow spoke up. "If your fan character is more powerful than me, then they're too strong."

"And if they get more attention than me, then they're too focused on," Knuckles added.

"_Everyone _gets more attention than you, and if you ask me, the people will at least want their OCs to get more than two random lines every twenty chapters."

"Well no one asked you, so bite me."

"And for the next letter," Jet announced.

--

**Don't forget to cover all the major points: Mary Sues, Poser Shadows and LOLZ IMMA GONNA BE EVILER THAN EGGMANZ NOWZ villains.**

**--**

"Of course we'd remember the Poser Shadows, we're still trying to get rid of the original," Knuckles said. "The last thing we need are his emones running around."

"What're emones?" Sonic asked

"Emo clones."

"Oh sod off, we're all sick of that joke!" Shadow shouted.

"Maybe _you_ are..."

"Wait, what about the whole villain thing?" Sonic inquired "Are we gonna cover that?"

"Yeah, but next episode," Mighty said. "The viewer brought up a good point that can only be discussed properly by the villain characters. But anyways, there's more than one way to be a Shadow clone without having the same attitude."

"Yeah, some OCs can be clones by just having the same generic background of being created in a lab, losing someone dear to them in an unjustified raid of some kind, wanting to take revenge against the greater populace, possessing enigmatic powers that make them a 'higher being', yada yada yada." Sonic said. "I could go on until I'm bluer in the face"

"You know there was more to the letter," Jet said. "Something about you being a werewolf in the next game, _Sonic Unleashed._"

Sonic dug into his ears and chuckled. "Sorry, I didn't catch that last part. It almost sounded like you said I'm a werewolf in the next game. I mean, that idea's so stupid, it'd be total sabotage of the series to actually go through with it."

"I did, and Sonic Team is definitely going to do it."

"..._For the love of all things good, no!!_" Sonic shouted at the top of his lungs. "_Why would anyone think that'd work?! The whole werewolf gimmick is only fun in games that actually let you kill people! Our games censor everything down to nosebleeds!"_

"I think you're overreacting a bit," Rouge stated calmly. "People said the same thing about _Sonic Riders_, but look how that turned out?"

"Mediocre at best, so with any luck, we'll break even" Shadow said.

"Exactly. My diamond encrusted heels won't pay for themselves."

"Here we go with the next letter." Jet said.

--

**The Sonic fanfics are so over-run by fancharacters, they could probably form an army that's capable of taking over the United States... And fancharacters are usually so Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu... honestly, why the heck are people creating fancharacters so that they can get at Shadow's chest fur?! Why?! And then there's the ones who just "happen" to be one of the character's "best friends," and it's usually a "best friend" to Amy, for some reason. She already has a best friend, and it's Cream. Geez, don't just stick a damn character in there and call it another character's best friend without some sort of background... and, "Amy and Mary met one day while they were at a cafe and became best friends" certainly doesn't cut it…**

**Of course, there's the super-powered hedgehogs or wolves who can run as fast, or slightly slower, or worse, even faster than Sonic/Shadow that really get on my nerves. An OC should complement the main characters in a franchise, not the other way around.**

**…OC's need to be more original, and more "human" for lack of a better term. Not all OC's need to have superpowers to be cool. Not all OC's have to be hedgehogs or wolves. Not all OC's need to be paired with someone from the Sonic universe. Not all OC's have to be made from between fifteen to twenty seconds, because you're too lazy to think up of your own personality for the character and decided to draw on stereotypes or base him/her off yourself. Not all characters need to be perfect. Flawed characters are much more fun to write/read about than little miss. perfect-Mary-Sue.**

**--**

"Whoa, this person really had a lot to get off their chest," Sonic said. "Better not let Eggman find out about the army idea though. That's one threat I will _not_ fight."

"But this person raises a lot of good points," Mighty said, "like how most female OCs exist solely as an extension of some fangirl's Shadow fetish."

Shadow scratched his chest proudly. "What can I say; I'm too darn sexy for my own good. Women love guys who are emotionally distant and apathetic to everything around them."

"Don't forget the occasional vampire fixation," Knuckles said. "People constantly make you a vampire and then pair you up with someone. I don't even want to explore why."

"Congratulations Shadow, you're our resident Gackt." Sonic said. "Anyways, people don't take the time to create an elaborate and justifiable background for their OCs. They just stick them in the story and say, 'hey, they've known—insert character's name—since they were kids!"

"And that character is usually me," Amy said. "It's the price I pay for trying to find the good in everyone… everyone except Rouge, she's a complete who—."

"I find myself in disagreement with the hedgehog and wolf statement," Clyde said. "The real problem doesn't lie with the author's choice of animal, but rather the personality they believe have to go with their choice. For hedgehogs, the author will most commonly make their OC exactly like the original hedgehog cast. Wolves are regularly made too talented or without fault. It depends on the author's ability to think outside the box."

"So where does that leave you?" Knuckles asked. "Where do you see yourself on the OC spectrum?"

"I find myself to be quite well-rounded, thank you very much."

"Are you kidding?" Sonic said. "You're the result of a last minute idea! Seriously; a purple and pink wolf _with_ an accent? That is _the_ most random idea I've heard of before the were-Sonic pitch!"

"And I've read the producer's fanfic, or at least tried to," Mighty said. "You hold no significance to the plot but the producer still forces you on the readers, your personality is underdeveloped and inconsistent, and as far as I can tell, your dialogue isn't written in any type of way to indicate an accent."

"Uh… You're the man now, dog?" Clyde tried pitifully.

"Nice try there, Connery. Oh, I've also read the producer's outline. If he can stomach finishing the story, you get grossly overpowered without a reasonable explanation."

"That brings us to the next letter," Jet said. "Wait, no. It finds out we're out of time. We'll pick back up with the current question and the rest of them for the next two episodes."

"Good, let's call it a wrap," Shadow announced as he got up from his chair. "Now if you excuse me, I left half a bottle of Scotch back at the bar, and I always finish what I started."

"I'll come with," Rouge said. "The last thing we need is you trying to drive after throwing back a few shots."

"Might as well go check on Tails," Sonic volunteered.

"Wait, one quick question," Mighty said. "One of the viewers asked if hybrid OCs were good ideas, like say an Echidna/Wolf."

"The second most popular character in this franchise is half hedgehog, half Satan-worshipping alien hell spawn; I think a Wolfchidna is plenty passable," Knuckles said.

"Now let's go already. Some of these fangirls think Tails is more 'adorable' when he's suffering," Sonic said, "and being isolated by yourself in a straightjacket is a bit of a compromising position if you ask me."

"Hey Cream, you want to end things for us?" Mighty asked. "Having you sign off always boosts the ratings."

"Sure, I'd love to." Cream began waving enthusiastically. "Thanks for watching everyone! Send in lotsa mail for the bad guys next time!"

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long, I've been rewriting jokes and trying to figure out a way to denote the reviews apart from the actual dialogue. Now on to other business:

A lot of you have been gracious enough to grant me permission to use your OCs. This seems like a really good idea, but there are a lot of complications to deal with. I'll just list them off.

1) I'd have to keep your OC in character. I can barely do this with the actual cast, so accomplishing this with a character as unique as an OC would be a problem for me. At most, I'd have to create a completely different personality from what their author intended.

2) This just might be me, but Sonic fanfics are never interesting when they revolve around an OC. That's why I barely gave mine any attention. I'm sure the last thing anyone here wants to read about is what my random OC cares about. With this in mind, your OCs would barely get a line in otherwise on the show. I think we can all agree that it's more fun to watch Knuckles and Shadow bicker with each other than have them argue with a fancharacter.

3) I emphasize this the most; _Your character will be bashed_. Most OCs, no matter how hard the author tries, will have flaws. If your character has a large number of faults, than they _will _be called to attention. The intention is to make it funny, so if you take offense easily, granting me use of your OC might not be the best idea. I don't exactly possess the credentials to judge other people's work (who does?), so criticism won't be _too _harsh.

If you're all happy with these conditions, than sure, I'd be more than happy to include your OCs. If you disagree otherwise, than I'll try to work something out, but no promises.

Thank you for reading, and please review.


	14. Episode 14

**A/N: **I do not own the character Sonic the Hedgehog, I am not affiliated with SEGA, and I do not claim ownership or involvement with any and all property in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. This fanfiction is parody.

Now that legal matters out of the way, I noticed that my discussion numbering was way off. Since no one ever brought it up, I'm just gonna go with what I've got already. That's all, and enjoy.

Shikyo: _Darkest Before Dawn_ by Shiming-Star

Nazo: character design by _Sonic X _affiliates, used in fan movie _Nazo Unleashed_ by Chakra-X

* * *

Sonic Talk

"Long time no see, Ladies and gents! Welcome back to _Sonic Talk_, the show where characters from the _Sonic the Hedgehog_ franchise get together and talk about the topics introduced. I'm Mighty the Armadillo, and as you all know, Tails has taken a non-stop flight to schitzoville; a bit of a tragedy, innit? Until he recovers, I'll be your host."

"And I'm the temporary co-host, Jet the Hawk. Thank you, hold your applause, I take contributions in cash only."

"Today we'll be talking about OC villains," Mighty announced. "Since that's the case, allow me to welcome—hey, what're you guys doing?"

"What does it look like? We're playing slayer," Eggman snapped. "Black Doom, you rocket whore!"

Indeed the villains had dragged three big screen TVs onto the stage, each one hooked to a separate Xbox 360 so that they could play online. Even though they were only a few feet apart from each other, they all wore head mics.

"Save it, Eggman," said Black Doom. "I shall stop hording the rocket when Mephiles ceases to randomly throw grenades throughout the map."

"Tactics for the win, noobs," Mephiles retorted.

Mighty tapped his foot impatiently. "We're in the middle of a show."

"Keep your non-existent pants on, we'll be off once the game's ends," Eggman said. "I'm only three points away from winning anyway."

The game concluded abruptly with the simultaneous death of all three villains.

Mephiles angrily threw his controller to the ground. "Curses, this is the third time we've lost to the same player!"

"Quite vexing indeed," Black Doom agreed. "Truly this 'Peaches n'Cream' character must be a haxor of the highest magnitude."

"Well if you're all done, then can we please get on with the show?" Mighty asked.

Eggman settled into his seat. "Very well, let us begin. What are we discussing today?"

"Look at the big screen."

**Discussion Fourteen: Fan Characters Cont. (Villain OCs)**

"A topic worthy of my attention," said Eggman. "I for one find that most OC villains lack regulation."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mighty asked.

"It means that most of them are either fluffed up to appear more threatening than they actually are, or they're two notches away from being Satan."

"And then when you find out their reason for being 'evil', it's so over-exaggerated you can't help but think the whole thing was a joke," Mephiles added.

"So you mean like an evil version of a Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu?" Jet asked.

"Evil?"Black Doom began. "When have they ever been _good _to begin with? But I digress; many of these OC villains, if you wish to call them that, lack in the three crucial areas of evil characters; motive, appearance, and power."

"I agree," said Eggman. "The goal that motivates a villain is one of the most important aspects of a true rogue. The motive must be simple, yet the means to achieve it must be intricate. Above all, the goal must have a devastating effect upon the hero in a most dramatic manner upon accomplishment."

"Appearance and personality are key," Black Doom said. "The way in which a villain carries themselves will determine how serious people will take them. If they're some over the top megalomaniac, they will be annoying. Also, they should avoid following the steps of a cliché, skulking lord of darkness. Red eyes, a black cape, and an evil laugh do _not_ make the cut. It requires much more effort and taste."

"Which brings us to the last point; power," said Mephiles. "I'm sure this was brought up last time, but Shadow is for better or worse, the measuring stick of ability. Patching together a mirror image of him and then tweaking it a bit is boring and predictable. And another thing, villains don't have to always be a walking mountain of power; they might be a threat just because of their sheer innovation."

"Thank you for that drawn out and preachy string of dialogue," Jet said. "You know what's funny? You guys just used yourselves as examples without knowing it."

"Well we _are_ the most memorable villains in the games," Eggman said. "It only makes sense if _we_ set the standards."

"No one's a more serious villain than you Eggman," Mighty said sarcastically. "I mean it's not like you've ever been a gag character in any cartoons from the mid-90's."

Jet puffed out his cheeks and did a gruff-voiced imitation. "I hate that hedgehog!"

The villains fell out of their chairs laughing.

"Shut up, that was a long time ago!" Eggman shouted. "I'd never demean myself like that again!"

"Sonic X Robuttnik," Mighty pointed out. "Your big snozz became the laughing stock of Japan."

"That's _no_ good," Mephiles wheezed out before falling back to the ground in laughter.

Black Doom calmed himself and got back to his seat. "Perhaps we should do a special with Scratch and Grounder sometime. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to see you again."

"That's sadistic even for you, Doom."

"How about Snively?"

"Never!"

"Okay, I actually have a question," said Mighty. "Are there _any_ OC villains you guys would like to highlight?"

Eggman scratched the back of his head. "Well if we must, I'd like to bring up the character Nazo. He's the perfect example of a good villain. He possesses a simple motive and a fitting personality. His powers make him a serious foe to be dealt with, and his origin is brilliant."

"Then I would like to bring to light the villain Shikyo," Black Doom said. "This particular character is someone who is both a psychological and physical menace. The way in which she interacts with the other characters is original and intriguing."

Jet pulled out an envelope from behind his back. "What a coincidence, we got a letter from her this morning."

"Really? What's the address?" Mighty asked.

"It doesn't have one, it just says, 'Shikyo'." Jet grimaced upon closer inspection and held the envelope away from himself between his index finger and thumb. "Yuck, it's covered in blood and other stuff I don't even want to think about!"

"Fine, I'll open it myself at the end of the show," said Mighty. "Anymore highlights?"

"No, none that we can think up," Mephiles said. "Now if we're done here, I'm going back to Halo 3. My promotion isn't going to earn itself."

Mighty sighed in surrender. "Fine, I guess we're done here. Just one final word to the audience." Mighty turned to the cameras. "Be sure to check out the show, Naruto Talk by Self-Proclaimed KingofDDR."

"Wait, you forgot the letter," Jet said.

"Right, give it here," Accepting the envelope, Mighty tore it open and removed a folded letter speckled in blotches of still moist blood. He pulled the sticky flaps apart cautiously and looked over the only sentence written.

--

_I AM IN THE STUDIO._

--

"I am in the studio? What is this, some kind of joke?" Mighty looked up to see Jet and the villains gone.

"Okay… Uh, next episode we're going back to the topic on OCs in general, and we'll be having special OC guests to give their insights. See you next time everybody."

The lights on stage suddenly went out.

Mighty gulped. "At least I hope I'll see you next time… security?"

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the late update, but I have three very good reasons for it:

1) I'm doing research for a novel I'm writing.

2) I found out firsthand that FEAR multiplayer is addicting.

3) I've been procrastinating and checking out the abridged works on youtube.

Okay, maybe reasons two and three aren't so good, but still...

Anyway, I'd just like to confirm the OCs Sin, Zap, and Cinder (Cindy?) as characters I'm using next time. I'm still going to use more, but these three are the definite so far. Keep sending in your opinions, and if you want your OC on the show, check out the conditions from last chapter.

Thank you for reading, and please review.


	15. Episode 15

**A/N**: OMG, 61 favorites and 42 alerts?! 178 REVIEWS?! I don't update in months and you people still keep paying attention to this story?! What's wrong with all of you?!

But seriously, you guys _rock_. I never expected a pseudo-story like this to garner so much interest. Thanks for all the patience and support, and be assured I'm not just going to abandon Sonic Talk without bring it to a proper conclusion (Which actually is going to be pretty soon).

Now here's the next 'episode' in Sonic Talk.

* * *

Sonic Talk

"Hey everybody, Mighty the Armadillo here. Welcome back to Sonic Talk, the show that just doesn't know when to die, kinda like the _Star Wars_ franchise."

"Who are you even talking to? I'm pretty sure we've lost the few fans this show had in the time we haven't done anything," said Jet.

"Well you can never be too sure. So for all three of you left out there, we have some good news; Tails is coming back! That's right people, after a thorough evaluation, Tails has been deemed mentally stable enough to resume his hosting duties. He just has to stick to a regimen of medications for awhile."

"Knuckles and Shadow should be letting the little guy out of his cell as we speak," Sonic said. "Until they get back, how about we go ahead and introduce the special guests?"

"By the way, has anyone seen Cream or Amy?" Mighty inquired, "They're supposed to be here today."

"Beats me," Sonic said, "nobody's seen Cream since she got _Dead Space_. I've never seen anybody so excited about dismembering people..."

"And Amy?"

"I make it my personal policy to avoid her at all costs, so... yeah."

"Okay, but what about Eggman?" Mighty asked. "He was schedule for a spot too.

"He ran off yakking about some scheme involving magic angel spit or whatever." Jet said.

"Where the heck did he come up with that?!"

"Viewer mail."

"Ah, I see," Mighty nodded understandingly. "Anywho, our first guest is Sin the Hedgehog."

"Hey."

"Then Whip the Rabbit."

"Yo."

"Zap the Hedgehog."

"Er, hey."

"Lionel 'Cinder' Axis the Lynx."

"Hi."

"And once again, Clyde Howlton the Wolf."

"Greetings."

"Now that introductions are out of the way, let's move on with the show," Mighty said. "We're going to start off by picking back up on the viewer mail. The first one says..."

--..--

**Throw them in the incinerator, all of them.**

--..--

"Whoa, that's an eye-catcher," Jet commented. "Keep reading, I think we're about to be in for one of 'those' kind of letters."

--..--

**Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. But the truth is, they're usually really, really, bad. **

**I think that if you want to make up original characters in a fandom, you should do that in private roleplays, where it is expected. The whole point of fanfic is to give people stories with characters they already like. If you want to do something else, that's even better, but [that would be] original fiction, not fanfiction and shouldn't be on this site.**

**If you absolutely have to use OCs, I think an author should have written at least three or so major fics without any OCs, and they should have genuine story lines, not random humour. That means he learns to write the canon characters IC. Then, he should be well enough versed as a writer to be able to craft an interesting character of his own, and give them a solid background story. Another fic of a 'second ultimate lifeform' would make me scream.**

**'But its Professor Gerald's other secret experiment, if Shadow should get out of control!'**

**Honestly.**

(**Producer's Two Cents**: A pitch for _Shadow the Hedgehog 2 _perhaps? Not unless Sonic Team hates money).

**It's also better if you use a neglected character instead, I think if there's one that has been given barely any personality, for example - (take Ash the mongoose, Nick the female weasel or Honey the cat from the Archie comics, or something) and make him the protagonist, crafting his personality to your wishes as you go along. They're like blank sheets, begging to be filled.**

--..--

"Yes, I lucked out!" Mighty cheered, raising his fists in triumph. "I mean, I _would_ have lucked out if this was a fanfic and not a TV show… This _is_ a TV show, innit?"

"This person doesn't know what they're talking about," Sin said. "We OCs are probably more important to fanfiction than the actual characters."

"Oh yeah? How do you figure that?" Jet asked.

"Because without us, no fanfic would ever work."

"…What?"

"We _always_ drive the plot. We provide the legit characters with guidance, rivalries, and obstacles they have to confront. We _make _the story. That means you guys _need_ us," claimed Sin smugly.

"Wait a minute, hold on," Mighty interjected. "Most of the time you guys are about as effectual as rock. You're _leeched_ to us out of an underdeveloped attempt to make a story interesting by adding a new face."

"Then ya know what happens? _We _get stuck with, chances are, a Hedgehog or Fox who whine nonstop about how 'I miss my mommy/daddy' or that 'my life is a mission' or both." Sonic droned. "Here's a spoiler, folks: I just summed up the life story of Sinbad the Hedgehog over there."

"I always figured you'd be a jerk in person," Sin growled.

"Dude, I get that a lot."

"Um, for the record, I was adopted," Clyde announced.

"Half of us were, but you don't hear us b--ching about it… what the h-ll, did I just get bleeped out?!"

"Yeah, it's part of our new policy," Mighty said. "We only get, like, three swear words an episode before the automated censor kicks in."

"But nobody swore yet!"

"We're saving them for Shadow."

"Oh, good idea."

"Speaking of clichés," began Jet, "don't you just _hate it _when OCs give a three hour lecture about their 'oh-so awesome' powers in the middle of a fight sequence? I'm looking at you, Mr. Cryokinesis."

"That proves nothing!" Sin barked.

"Your right, I'm sorry. How about OCs who pop out of thin air with a slathering of insta-importance all over? That ring a bell_?_"

"Next letter," Mighty announced.

--..--

**Hm, I think that OCs are becoming seriously unoriginal in EVERY CATEGORY without fail. They usually are either regular people that wind up in the fictional world, warped to its rules, and eventually become overpowered OR they are part of some world changing fate in the first place. Seriously, it's getting old.**

**--..--**

"Part of a world changing fate? Uh-oh Clyde, you're number's up," said Mighty.

"Actually that applies to at least 85% of the demographic," Jet said.

"That's not fair! Why is it so hard to believe that an OC can't assume a small role _and _still be important to a plot's outcome?" Clyde challenged. "We aren't all numpty, you know."

"Just because," Jet replied.

"Just because what?"

"Because… No, not gonna work. This part is where something funny happens, but you don't have a personality, so it's not gonna work. I'd be best if you just… didn't talk."

"…"

"Yeah, just like that. What's a numpty though?"

"I don't know, I just thought it would make me sound more Scottish. That _is_ how they talk in the UK, right?"

Sonic made a show of clearing his throat. "Acker-hem_racist__hem_!"

"What?!"

"Nothing," he quickly covered, "let's see the next letter."

--..—

**In my opinion OC's aren't that bad. Plus some OC's are well thought out.**

**--..--**

"Hey, a positive comment," Mighty observed, "that's a nice change of pace. Whip and Zap, you two are up."

"You know," Cinder spoke up, "I haven't talked yet either."

"Yeah, but we want to give the _OCs_ a chance to talk today," Mighty said. "Nice joke by the way, Blaze; changing your name to 'Cinder' on the roster and all."

"I'm not Blaze."

Jet rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you can drop the act now, Blaze. We all know it was _you_ who made up the request for _Cinder_," he placed emphasis on the name with dripping sarcasm. "I mean, come _on_! A C_at_ with fire issues? How could _anyone_ possibly think that's original?! They'd have to be a complete…"

He trailed off upon noticing the increasingly enraged look on Cinder's face.

"…Whoops," uttered Mighty weakly, "Well… I'm sure you're _very_ original in your own ways."

"Not me," said Jet, "I apologize for nothing. Prove us wrong, clone."

"See? Not all OCs are bad," Whip affirmed, "it's just really hard to find the good ones."

Jet snorted. "Like you, Rabbit boy?"

"Well I definitely don't think I'm a _bad one_."

"That's what they all say," Jet charged. "I read into you beforehand, kid. I got some really bad news for ya."

"And what's that?"

"You're a walking parody of that show with the Japanese kid who thinks he's Bart Simpson."

"What show are you talking about?" Sonic asked.

Jet furrowed his brow in thought. "I can't remember the name, but it's about some kid in an orange jumpsuit. You know, that annoying one with ADD?"

"You mean _Naruto_?"

"Yeah, that's it!" Jet confirmed. "The Rabbit over there is a walking amalgam of characters from that show! You should be on Naruto Talk, not this show, kid."

"I am _not_!" Whip protested. "I'm an original creation!"

"Nope, Jet has pretty much got you pegged," Sonic settled. "All you're missing is a random catchphrase, Freudian angst, bushy eyebrows, a totally _un_stealthy getup, and spinning pinwheels for eyes."

"You people are idiots," Whip snapped, "I'm not believing a word you guys say."

"No no, you did it all wrong" Mighty chortled. "You're supposed to say 'believe it'!"

"And put a big, goofy smile on your face when you say it," Sonic forced out before being taken in a fit of laughter.

Jet wheezed out a chuckle before regaining composure, "Alright, let's move on to Zap."

"I'm not too sure I want to do this anymore," Zap said.

"Too late, sparky. Now according to your author, your catchphrase is 'you're dead', right?"

"I don't know where you're going with this, but yes," Zap answered.

"Good. Since you don't have a personality or background of your own yet, the cast of _Sonic Talk _decided to make you Texan. You know, just to fit your catchphrase better."

"Ah don't reckon that's rightly possi- What the Sam hill?! Why in tarnations am I talkin' all funny-like?!"

"That, my cacti wrestling friend, is the power of talk show hosthood," Jet said. "Whenever anyone comes on this show that's _not_ a member of the cast, we, for all intents and purposes, become god to them."

"Should have read that fine print, pally," chided Mighty. "Shocking innit?"

"Then change me back before I fry y'all like a roach on a tar roof in Georgia on a hot day, ya snake-eyed varmints!"

"Sure… when we get bored," Sonic said. "Geez, what is taking Knuckles and Shadow so long?! They should've been here three time over by now!"

Jet stopped to sniff the air. "Hey, is it me, or does something smell like a plot twist?"

"No, it's just us."

A bruised covered Knuckles helped a limping Shadow on to the stage and over to his usual seat. As if that were not enough to raise questions, both wore expressions of panic mixed with pain.

Tails was nowhere in sight.

"Holy Naoto Oshima, what happened to you guys?!" Sonic exclaimed.

After plopping down in his chair, Shadow agonizingly set his feet up on the nearby table. "You wouldn't believe us if we told you."

"SEGA finally got Ryan Drummand back?!" Sonic guessed excitedly.

"No, this is something far more serious than your delusions," Shadow said. "Tails got loose."

"Wasn't that the point of letting him out?"

"He means Tails _broke_ loose." Knuckles clarified. "At first he was calm and quiet when we took him out of his cell, but then he just snapped!"

"After he took my legs out with a lead pipe, which I have _no_ idea how he got, he literally backhanded Knuckles right through the wall." Shadow accounted. "Next thing we know, he flies off like a bat out of you-know-where. It was more surreal than one of Dane Cook's stand-ups."

"Let me get this straight," Mighty attempted to understand, "both of you got your butts kicked by _Tails_?"

"If you think that's freaky, you're going to get a real kick out of this next part. There was a glowing pentagram on his forehead," said Shadow.

"A _pentagram_?! Oh my gosh, what color was it?" Sonic questioned.

"IT WAS A FREAKING PENTAGRAM, WHO CARES WHAT COLOR IT WAS?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"By the way, we decided to swing by the locker room," said Knuckles. "Turns out the creepy plant is missing."

"Maybe you looked in the wrong place," Sonic said. "Er… we _did_ put it in the locker with all the fancy chains on it, right?"

"Yes, we did. That's gone now."

"So where the heck did Tails go?" Mighty pushed.

"No idea," Knuckles rubbed at a swelling lump on his head, "but my guess is that he's still running around the studio."

"Well, I dare say that the situation can officially be labeled FUBAR," stated Clyde.

"Shut up, you're not important enough to have an opinion," Shadow snapped.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Clyde flicked one of his ears, "I couldn't hear you over your blaring bishoneness."

"Well stone the flaming crows, what a great comeback," Shadow remarked sarcastically. "Did your boyfriend help you come up with that?"

"For the love of—being purple does _not _make me gay, you pompous Yank! I don't hear Espio or Charmy suffering this kind of slander!"

"First of all, I wasn't even born on _Earth_ let alone the states, you neon-colored jackass. Secondly; do I have to say anything about those two? It's so obvious…"

A ninja star whizzed through the air and sunk into the wall just inches above Shadow's head.

"See? Apparently Espio can't hit straight people."

"He is _so_ going to kill you in your sleep tonight," Sonic commented.

"Focus, people! We have a psychotic and possibly possessed vulpine on the loose!" Mighty exclaimed. "First things first; someone call security and update them. We have to stop Tails before he hurts someone!"

"Do _I _not count?!" groused Shadow. "You people better pray that you find him before I do, or I'm cutting his fingers off with a Wiimote!"

"Well, now seems like a pretty good time to end the show," Jet said. "We'll keep you people updated on the search for Froot Loops the Fox next episode. Until then, see you next time! Now where's my hunting jacket?"

* * *

**A/N**: Well there you have it. I'm going to be bringing this fanfic to a close at the end of the 'Possessed Tails' Arc. Don't worry though, I still intend to run the show off of 'viewer mail'. I intend to keep the discussion on OCs in fanfiction going, and the invitation onto the show for OCs still exists. In fact, some OCs might get to help out in the hunt for Tails (permitting that their authors let them and if I can write them in).

Thank you, and please review.


End file.
